Echo Creek Mental Institution

Chapter 12: A Group Effort (Part 2)

"Today we're going to be talking all about what brought us here. So who's starting?" The nurse smiles. Everyone makes eye contact but no one seems too eager to say anything. I wanted to say something. Honestly I wanted to just spill my guts but that would be uncool. Doing what you're supposed to do is always uncool, or at least that's what I've observed.
"I'll go." The boy with the black hair hanging over his eyes and a ripped brown shirt sits with one leg in the chair and has a smile on his face. I don't remember his name cause I'm stupid and yeah that's pretty much it.
"Thank you, Oskar." The nurse re-crosses her legs.
"Well I know I was only here for a week but I honestly feel more relaxed. Ever since my parents got divorced 'cause my brother died in that boating accident I've been living a different life. One that's not mine. I was so upset and tired that I quit on everything: music, friends, family and even trying at school. I'm guess I'm beginning to be thankful that my mom found that noose that was hanging in my closet. Well, more thankful than my dad 'cause he never would've brought me here. Probably would've just yelled at me."
Jesus. Fucking. Christ.
I let my stomach settle as the nurse continues to talk about family issues or whatever. I feel nauseous, my head hurts as guilt flood through me. My hearts aching as my brain keeps repeating how stupid I am. I don't have depression. How could I? My family is together. While I don't have any siblings, my cousins are all healthy. I have friends! I've barely been bullied and my grades are fine. I still do everything I used to like play tennis and run track. I'm a waste of space! Why am I here!? Ah jeez imma cry aren't I!? You baby suck it up you have no reason to be upset you fucking idiot.
"-you should always keep that in mind." The nurse concludes. I didn't listen to her speech at all. I picture myself getting struck by lightening and dying. Right now. Cause I'm wasting space and time and energy and Jesus how am I even depressed!? I'm not thats it! I have no reason to be! I've never gone to bed hungry I'm not abused I'm not bullied I'm not starving I'm not an insomniac I'm just faking. Marco was right. I am a liar. I shouldn't be here.
"Ferguson would you like to share?"
I turn my head to look at the orange haired kid with the poker face.
"Fine." He understood she wouldn't quit. "Uh let's see I ate my feelings. Literally. Kids would tease me for my weight. They'd call me a pig and moo at me whenever I'd walk down the hall. I tried to stop eating or throw up which never happened so I began to force myself to eat gross stuff like spoiled milk or raw chicken to get myself to like, stop eating entirely. My parents noticed and decided they didn't trust me so they locked me up here."
Oh look. Bullying. Something else that never happened to me. Why am I here!?
"You bring up a good point, actually." The nurse adds. "Lots of people think their parents bring them here because of a trust issue. Your parents recognized that you were hurting and decided they themselves couldn't solve it. They wanted you to get better as quick as possible, so they brought you here. Also you are not locked up, we just want to make sure you don't hurt yourself or others and this wing is the only place we can do it effectively." Okay but I don't belong here soooo? What now? Since I checked myself in can I check myself out? "Who's next?" I hope she doesn't call on me but I also want her to call on me. Sometimes I want people to force me to do things but like I keep saying no so why would they? It's stupid I expect them too and I know it and I except it and intern I expect nothing. "Kelly?"
"Still me." Kelly sticks out her tongue like an anime character. She looks cute when she does it. "Sadly, Tad holds all the specifics cause apparently my brain really doesn't want to remember it."
"TAAAADDD!" Justin calls like he's expecting a hog to come barreling towards him.
Kelly chuckles. "So yeah Tad knows some of the specifics but the gist that my grandmother told me is that both my parents were drug addicts and to pay for their drugs when I was around 5 would take... uh... promiscuous photos of me and by the time I was 8 would uh... sell me off to old men... to uh... do stuff that probably shouldn't be happening. Anyways my little brain couldn't handle it and my grams took me in by 9 and I've been in and out of mental hospitals for years now. I'm totally okay with it and she comes to visit me all the time. She just wants me to find a personality and stick with it, ya know?"
How was she so casual about this? She was raped many times as a child and while she didn't 100% remember it, it all didn't seem to phase her! How can people be so calm!?
"Side note," Kelly continues. "No loud noises or sudden darkness or touching me uh... places cause that'll trigger Tad."
"TTTAAADDD." Jeremy shouts like Justin. No one laughs and he seems to slowly fall into a pit of despair. I wasn't doing so hot either.
And so, within the hour we have for this, two other people went. Jeremy talked for too long about how he was spoiled as a child and all the cool stuff he had. He also managed to get serious and say how his disorder causes him extreme discomfort when he's not the center of attention or when a person doesn't like him. He was admitted cause he threatened to cut off his hand with a butcher knife unless people listened to him. Gross.
Brittany also talked but her story was much simpler. She slowly stopped eating and within a month and a half she'd fainted at school and was sent here. She'd been here for a week and a half (not including ER time) but still wasn't at a solid weight yet. She said it was still hard to look in mirrors, but bagging clothes helped. She said that yesterday was her first time showering naked (the nurses actually gave her a medical dress to wear in the shower so she didn't have to look at herself) and she ate a whole half a sandwich and a bite of an apple for lunch today. We all clapped and cheered and I actually genuinely smiled. I was happy for her. Guilt flooded my cheeks, I shouldn't have been rude or judged her before. I was out of line, I shouldn't have prided in her and Justin's business. I should apologize, but I know I won't have the guts to do it.
"Well on that high note," The nurse stands up. "We will end. You have ten minutes until CCU so please mingle until then. Star can I see you quickly?"
I jolt when I hear my name. What did I do now!? I follow her to the corner as kids slowly get rowdy.
"I just want to ask you how you feel?" She leans over to match my height. I wasn't short, she was just tall.
"Like... if I feel depressed?"
"No like how do you feel after your first group session? You didn't talk a lot."
I didn't have much to say but I guess I should've mustered something.
"Just seeing how it all works." Oh shut up you piece of crap that's complete bullshit and you know it you socially awkward pretzel.
"Okay good. I expect you to talk next class."
"Sounds like a plan." You say the stupidest things, Star Butterfly.
She nods and walks away, leaving the fray of people. I see Janna who is chatting with Ferg. Ferguson, I mean.
As I pan the crowd, finding everyone in a conversation, I sigh and realize I have no fucking close what CCU is.

OKAY YEAH IM REALLY LIKE THIS STORY. I HAVE A TRIP FOR THE NEXT FEE DAYS SO UPDATES WONT BE ONCE A DAY. MAYBE. THE TRIP MIGHT SUCK, IN THE CASE YOULL GET LOTS OF CHAPTERS!
HAHA WHOOPS HOPE I DIDBT FUCK THIS UP SOMEHOW
WOLFIE