It's A Cliche

PART SIX

          To love is to suffer; to avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer; but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness.

One Republic - Let's hurt tonight.

     "Hey," Tristan said walking into my room. He gives me a meaningful look before proceeding to make himself at home on my bed dragging my drab figure to lay beside his. "Why is it so chilly in here?" he asks while snuggling up to me and tugging the blanket to cover our bodies fully leaving our heads out.

                   Its cold in my room because I'm wallowing my idea of wallowing is staying up in my room eating ice cream and missing out on school for a day, not that I need to go anyway. And I guess Tristan's here for moral support, not knowing he's the one who's hurting me. I planned on just binge watching sad movies. O got most of them lined up. First I'll watch 'If I stay,' then 'me before you,' 'like stars on earth,'  then 'the fault in our stars'. But since Tristan's here these plans are cancelled. My day seems really dreary today. I'm still wondering why I haven't told him what Are said and that he be a father in the next 7½ months, but I'm also still wondering why he never told me he hooked up with Caro. The worst part is that I can never tell him how I feel, it'll be  selfish. It wouldn't be fair to him, Caro nor their baby. I guess I should just brace myself to becoming an aunt soon. An aunt to 'his child'. Sigh.  At least I know I got the godmother position locked down.

                  "Love... " he calls snapping me out of my reverie... "You've been awfully quiet since I came in. Is anything the matter?" he asks.
                "No, I'm fine." I answer not meeting his gaze. I still feel his eyes lingering in my face. He doesn't believe me but he doesn't question me about it further. Thank God. If he pressed on I would've spiralled into a horrible meltdown. I feel mom and dad know something's up that's why they let me skip school today.

                    "Is it the cold? Should I turn up the heat?" Tristan asks, with a panicky edge to his voice clearly sensing something's wrong. Sigh. Besties.

                     "No..." I answer him flatly. Why does he give me a reason to love him more all the time. He then draws me even more closer to him and wraps his arms around me in such a way that my head is on his chest and I'm partly lying on him. He adjusts the blanket and asks me if I'm warm. I nod in replying try not to burst into tears. God, this is not fair when  does Caro get to have him? Sigh. I shouldn't be selfish but I guess I'm hurting.

      

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                         We surprisingly have binges watched all five of the sad movies and are now building a fort. Tristan is proceeding to call this sad Monday and says we should make this a tradition, uh... No. I think I've cried my eyeballs out enough to last me a life time at first I was just using it to cry about how pathetic my predicament is but as time went on o started to cry about the movies. Tristan literally looked like he was going to lose his mind when I started crying and has asked me more than twenty times I'd we should stop. Poor guy, I must have really freaked him out. But that only made me cry harder. So after all that I suggested we binge watched all seasons of this is us but he didn't agree, he decided we should build a fort cause he needs something to cheer him up, but I know he's worried about me.