My Heart's Desire

Chapter 15

One of the great things about Sabbath was the dishes would stay in the basket which she would leave in the laundry room till Sabbath was over. Fanny didn’t do dishes on Sabbath nor clean. Everything waited. All the food would stay at John’s so they wouldn’t have to cook unless they wanted to.

 She couldn’t wait to get to John’s house. They were reading the Great Controversy. It was a riveting book and they had just gotten to the part where John would learn what had been involved in keeping the Bible safe throughout the ages. Many people, a lot of whom were martyrs, had been involved in bringing the Bible forward to modern times. She didn’t know if Kyle would stay for the reading though she prayed he would.

Fanny called John to let him know she was on her way and to see if they could introduce the dogs as she didn’t want to leave Buford alone. John said to head on over and Kyle would meet her outside with Carmen. Fanny took Buford and the basket across the yard to the gate and waited for Kyle to show. Kyle came through the back door with an ecstatic Carmen. Fanny just grinned as Carmen lunged at the leash to get to her. Buford was riveted on the wiggling mass of wavy hair.

Kyle left Carmen in the yard while he got the picnic basket from Fanny and put it in John’s kitchen. When Kyle came back to the gate, he grabbed Carmen’s leash and agreed to walk down the sidewalk for a ways to get the dogs acquainted before going back into the house.

Kyle and Fanny exited their gates at the same time and started walking with the dogs to the outside. Fanny felt the brush of Kyle’s hand a time or two before it grasped hers. She glanced at him sideways and threw him a smile. He squeezed her hand and pulled her closer then released her hand to put his arm around her shoulders and tuck her against his side. Fanny was glad he wasn’t holding her hand any longer because the sweaty palm problem was back as were the tummy butterflies and a warmth was spreading through her belly.

Fanny understood that she didn’t know anything about him or his experience just as he didn’t know anything about her. Clearing her throat, Fanny decided to come clean before he made any assumptions. Because, seriously, he was holding her close and she had only met him the day before! This situation was going a little quick in her book. Arm around shoulders shouldn’t happen for…for…well, Fanny didn’t rightly know when it was supposed to be scheduled to happen and that was the whole problem! It wasn’t like she had experience in this type of thing.

She wasn’t sorry about that. She just needed help and she couldn’t ask her mom, absolutely not! She didn’t want to ask Aunt Kathy this was just too personal. What she needed was… was…a book! That’s it! She’d buy a book – a dating for dummy’s book. She could do that on Sunday before their date. Then, she’d figure out if she should have kicked him in the shin when he pulled her close, maybe she should have gouged his eyes, and screamed, ‘That’s not done till the fourth date!’ then stomp off in high dudgeon. She could -.  Kyle shook her shoulder and asked if she was going to say something.

“Uh, I, uh,” Fanny took a deep breath and nodded her head. As she turned to face him, his arm came off her shoulders and she felt chilled. “I don’t know how to do this,” she blurted and motioned between them. Kyle looked at her quizzically.

“Do what?”

“This…this walking with your arm around me, this… your holding my chin, this… caressing my cheek, this… almost kissing me,” Fanny frowned up at him in confusion. Kyle could see a riot of emotions on her face, but mainly she was confused and she didn’t understand.  “I met you yesterday yet here we are walking our dogs. You’re holding me and everything feels wonderful, but I don’t know how to do this,” Fanny’s eye watered. “And, you’re my boss. But, I really don’t care that you’re my boss. Society tells me that I should, but I liked you before I knew who you were - so does that count?” Buford leaned against her hip so she rested against him and tangled her hand in his hair. Kyle watched as she drew comfort from the massive beast and wished he was the one consoling her. She reached under her glasses, wiped her eyes, and took a breath, “It’s just that I don’t know what you want from me. And, I don’t want to be unequally yoked with a non-believer.  And, I'm afraid that I’ll start liking you too much and that someday it won’t seem like such a big deal that you don’t believe in God, so I’ll cave. But, it is a big deal. It’s a very big deal. I want to know that the man I share my life with will be with me till the Lord comes or till the Lord takes him away from me. But, I don’t ever want to see him walk away,” Fanny said in a tortured whisper. “And I know it is too soon to discuss this, and I know I shouldn’t be saying these things. But, I just don’t know what you want of me,” She finished miserably, looked down, and kicked at a rock sending it skittering across the cement as she wiped her eyes again.