Kuroshitsuji: The Contract from Birth [Ciel Phantomhive]

[41] Her Butler, Tragically In Love || 2

"Sometimes, however, I wish you and I were much more than that."

My mouth parted. I clenched my hands closed and opened them again, feeling my palms become clammy as Adelina's eyes bored into mine, waiting, expecting, hoping for an immediate answer.

Burning against the cold sensation that washed itself down my spine, my face reacted to her words seconds before I could comprehend them. Against my chest, my heart hammered, deafening and rhythmically as it echoed in my ears.

I half expected it to break through my ribcage.

"There's no need for you to respond," she said. Her words were barely audible through the constant thump thump thumps, but I nodded, swallowing thickly. I would rather spare myself the embarrassment of speaking and having my words stumble out like a fool.

Adelina's own cheeks were dusted with pink as she continued, apologizing for no reason one moment and justifying herself the next. I stood still and listened; for all that I was aware of, she had done nothing wrong.

Of course I hadn't expected such a declaration. When would anyone be prepared for such a thing?

However, the strange and imaginary --but at the same time very realistic-- weight that was lifted off my back when her words formed and put themselves together in the back of my mind was so relieving, I nearly returned the words back.

How could I, though?

It would be a lie. To myself and to her. No matter what, Adelina and I were not meant to be more than friends.

That's what I had settled on the day she first made my heart skip a beat. Though I'm sure it was because of my asthma.

It had to be.

Footsteps outside the bedroom door startled us both and Adelina pursed her lips, hurrying through her last words as the door handle jiggled behind us.

"--especially since you have Elizabeth to think of. My words just slipped; pay them no mind."

At the mention of Elizabeth, the image of her, a sobbing mess on the manor floor, flashed before my eyes and I recalled the time she had broken my family ring: distraught, upset, confused and nearly torn down.

All because I hadn't worn the silly one she bought me herself.

I shivered at the thought of dealing with that and more if I were to break the engagement. Moreover, Adelina's affection could be a momentary endearment.

That must have been it. After everything she had been through, some sort of attachment was bound to occur.

"It is time for the ball, young Master and Countess." Sebastian announced, bowing into the room.

He seemed to not notice the tension that had again settled upon us, or rather did not care. Slowly, we both walked out and I allowed Adelina to step ahead, avoiding eye-contact entirely. She did the same.

Puppy love. Childish affection.

Yes, that was it.

She could not love me. I am nothing more than a revenge-seeking boy that does not care who must be eradicated next in order to reach my goal. Adelina knew this herself.

The notion was illogical. She was forcing herself to be at an even more risk than she already is by working for the Queen.

Ahead, the living room seemed much livelier, with lights, music and even laughter seeping out from under the shut doors. Rodric stood at the entrance and stepped forward when he saw us, bowing. Adelina smiled and I was rather surprised to see how quickly she had bounced back from her unrequited confession.