one last try » taylor swift

Thirty-Two

Taylor

I woke up with a sense of light filing my body that I had long been a stranger to.

The light poured out of my eyes, my ears, my mouth. Everything I touched seemed to turn to hues of lilac sunset, and every thought in my head sang a melody.

I hurried down the wooden steps, letting Grace sleep in as I quickly opened my computer.

And right there, printed clearly in black letters perched upon the email draft forwarded from Child Services, were the only words I ever needed to see:

"Adoption confirmed."

My smile grew larger, my bones grew stronger, and the melodies inside my head turned into orchestras and symphonies playing ballads for Carnegie Hall.

I felt as if my body was filled with energy, I didn't know it was possible to feel so much from seeing something so simple.

I felt my feet move to the kitchen, where my brain instructed my body to create a lovely breakfast for my now daughter. My official, on-paper daughter. Of course, a few signatures were still needed, and one final meeting with a social worker on Grace's behalf, but those things all seemed fractionally tiny, nearly nonexistent.

She was mine, and I was hers.

The morning seemed to move in slow motion. The kind of slow motion that's in movies, when an upbeat song plays in the background as the world seems to have slowed down. For the first time since Grace was brought into my life, it felt as if I could take a break, and breathe. A break to take everything in, to soak up the past months, sifting through every second.

The man who was once by my side was not missed, for I now had a little girl who filled up every ounce of love my heart had to give.

I snapped back to reality after a moment, staring down at the now-set breakfast table and smiling. I had made Grace's favorite, chocolate chip pancakes with a bit of whipped cream on top.

I pattered back up the stairs and towards the white door that opened into Grace's room.

I slowly, quietly turned the handle, wanting to remember every moment in great detail. Although the only thing that had changed was the legality of my relationship with her, it felt as though everything was wildly different, and I wanted to savior how that felt.

There she was, laying in her bed, wrapped in a light pink princess blanket. She lay fast asleep, a slight smile on her face from whatever peaceful scene was playing out inside of her head.

I tiptoed to the side of her bed frame, kneeling down next to her. My fingertips gently grazed the smooth skin of her forehead before pushing some of her fine hair out of her face. She was coaxed out of her sleep after a moment, and took a minute to adjust to being awake before smiling at me.

"G'mornin'," Grace spoke.

"Good morning, my love. Did you sleep alright?"

She nodded before sitting up and reaching towards me, signaling she wanted to be picked up.

I gladly lifted her into my arms, and began to walk towards the stairs.

"Let's eat some yummy food, and I have some things I want to try and tell you. Okay?" I spoke softly to the toddler placed on my hip.

"M'kay," she whispered softly back as her fingers played with the hair that was dancing on my neck.

After Grace had stuffed her face with pancakes, I cleared our plates before sitting back down.

"Alright," I started. "I have something I need to tell you."

Grace looked up at me, eager to hear what it was I had to say.

"Today, I heard back from the lawyers. And do you know what they said?" I prompted.

Grace shook her head.

"Well, they told me that I can officially be your mommy," I smiled.

Grace furrowed her eyebrows for a minute before looking back up at me.

"Do I get to call you Mama?"

I smiled, feeling my heart swell.

"Of course, baby. Of course."

Grace came over to me and sat on my lap, wrapping her arms around me. As she sat, she seemed to be thinking of something.

"What is it, Grace?"

She looked up at me for a moment.

"Am I gonna have a Dada?"

I was silent, thinking of how to answer her question.

"Not right now, bubs. I don't have a boyfriend."

"Will you get one?" She asked innocently.

I giggled, holding her closer to me.

"Why do you want me to get one so bad?" I joked.

"I think you'll really like him," she said.

"Really like who?"

"Your boyfriend, when you meet him. Then he can be my Dada." She explained.

I smiled again, playing with her soft hair.

"Promise?" She asked.

"Hmm?"

"That you'll try to find one. A real good one that will have tea parties with me."

I kissed the top of her head.

"Of course. I'll try to find you the perfect Dada."

And although I knew I wasn't actively looking for a relationship, I couldn't help but think that if someone great came along, I would happily give them a try. And in that moment, I felt as if that someone might come along soon.

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Ahhh!!! I'm back!

I cannot stress enough how very sorry I am that it's been OVER FOUR MONTHS since I've updated. I've seen all of your comments, read all of your lovely messages to me, and I felt so bad to have let you down with no update.

I hope some of you are still here, looking to finish this book, because I have some ideas now and I think I'm going to start regularly updating now.

Thank you so much for toughing it out, and I hoped you liked this chapter! It's a bit of a filler, but it opens some doors...

Lots of love!!
Xx, Alice