F*ck Me (Modern Cliches, #2)

The Denial

In which I absolutely refuse to believe that I married a sex demon. I mean would you believe it? Go to nail and bail a guy only to realize that the wham bam thank you ma'am was code for you are now fucking hitched.

I'm going insane. I fucking swear!

~~~~~

I laughed. Long and hard because that was so fucking hilarious. Me, the prudish and fucking frumpy librarian was married to a fucking sex demon. Pun fucking intended.

I looked at him through the tears, saw how utterly confused and upset her looked and doubled over, the laughter making my stomach hurt but it wasn't enough to stop me. That was so hilarious I didn't know if I could stop laughing. I was damn near howling like one of those howler monkeys I had watched a documentary about last weekend because I have utterly no social life.

Married? Me? To an Incubus?

"I fail to see what is so funny." His gritted out words just made me ball up, silent laughter shaking my shoulders as tears streamed down my face. To be fair, I wasn't really trying hard to stop the laughter. It was either laugh or cry and the absurdity of it all had hit the laughter switch. My stomach truly started to ache and I pressed my hands to it as I crossed my legs so I wouldn't accidentally pee my pants. "Stop!" I knew it was an order but I couldn't help it as I took in several gasping inhales before more peals of laughter escaped me.

"Me married?" I managed to squeeze the word out between bursts of laughter. "To you?" I pointed at him before gripping the arm of my chair tightly, trying to wipe away my face as another round of laughter overtook me. I was seriously going to piss my pants if he kept it up. I shook my head rapidly, fighting away the laughter as I waved a hand at my face. "No, no, no." A burst of giggles escaped me as I slumped back into my chair, blinking my eyes rapidly to rid myself off the tears.

"This is not amusing." He scowled, his arms crossed over his chest looking like a petulant toddler and I had another round of giggles escaping me as I shook my head.

"This is very amusing." This was fucking hysterical and to think I was going to believe it. However that was just over the edge of reality. No one had sex and was magically married to another person. "So who put you up to this shit?" I used the hem of my t-shirt to wipe at my face, clearing away the tears that had smeared across my cheeks. I giggled again. Married? Me?

"Pardon me?" He looked so affronted that I snorted, unable to really hold the laughter in as I looked at him.

"Who paid you to pull that shit? Was it Trish or Sam? Not Sasha, she's not underhanded enough for that." I shook my head, only one of those two would be tricky enough to pull that shit. "So are you like some sort of illusionist? How did you grow like that?" I felt much better with the thought that he was merely a paid actor. He really shouldn't have brought up the married bit, he would have had me going for a while if he hadn't.

"I am a seventh level Incubus of Hell. There is no illusion!" He looked so offended it sent me to giggling all over again. I pressed a hand to my stomach. Oh god was he a good actor. I was going to give both of them shit after all of this was over. "Cease your amusement, mortal!" He was sounding more and more agitated but I couldn't help myself.

"You expect me to believe that doing the nasty with a virgin, makes her still a virgin and then married to you?" I quirked an eyebrow at that. The ridiculousness of it was bonkers. It was so far from the realm of unbelievable it was hilarious. Hence my manic laughter. "Honey, you played a good game but you fucked it up." I shook my head. He had been very believable but I guess he fell to the realm of pretty but stupid. That sucked because he was very attractive.