F*ck Me (Modern Cliches, #2)

The Shopping Trip

In which Maz takes me out shopping for all the items one needs to commit murder.... at Home Depot.

It seems a bit odd, I thought that being a demon was enough to get the dirty deed done but apparently not. What is the point of having a demon husband if you have to buy all of your murder equipment? His ginormous penis, not being counted.

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It had taken me nearly an hour after our last romp to get Maz to stop touching me and to actually explain things to me. When he said I would need to keep him from becoming a glutton, I had believed he would also try hard to not become a glutton as well but it seemed as though he was literally doing everything he could to not help me.

A sneaky hand reached down to grab my ass and I yelped, smacking Maz's hand away from me with a scowl. "Stop!" I hissed the word at him, my cheeks red. He gave a low and sinful grin that nearly had me groaning and my eyes fluttering. I knew he was a demon but did he really have to be that fucking hot? "Pay attention!" I did my best to give him my most stern librarian look. It worked on terrifying wayward adults but it seemed to have absolutely no effect on the demon I had accidentally married.

He gave me another grin, that I swore would probably kill an old lady, and leaned against the edge of a shelf. "Is my little mortal upset with me?" He trailed his gaze up and down me in a such a blatant way that it nearly made my knees weak. The bastard knew how that look made me feel. He had to know, he was a fucking Incubus. It was literally his job to get ladies to cream their knickers.

"You could help! I have no idea what the fuck I am looking for." I spoke in a hiss as I frantically glanced around, hoping no one was around to see me gesture to the axes. I really hated that there wasn't an Assassins'R'Us store. I had no idea how to go about this shit and for some stupid reason Maz directed me to Home Depot. Now we were the tool isle, looking at fucking axes.

"It is not hard to pick a weapon." He slowly turned that burning gaze from me to the axes. "There are many blades that will do the trick... small ones... long ones... thick ones." He slowly trailed his hand across the wall, turning his head to look at me, that stupid smouldering smirk on his face.

I hated all six and a half feet of him. All six and a half feet of sheer Adonis sculpted, smokey spice scented, sex driven, prime male. I hated him because he knew I was thinking of just how his fingers trailed across my skin as they did the various tools on the wall.

He wasn't going to make this easy on me, oh no. Maz the fucking Incubus was oozing sex appeal and he was deliberately ratcheting it up to make me work for my end of the bargain. The fucking asshole. I narrowed my eyes at him. "Stop it." My cheeks flared red as I tried very, very hard not to wiggle in my spot because whatever it was that he was doing, was working to a horrifying degree and my downtown was flooded. I felt the urge to go stand over a slippery when wet sign that I knew was probably in the store somewhere.

The fucking prick.

He merely smiled at me before he picked something off the wall and moved closer to me in a step that was so sensual and fucking graceful I had an immediate image of him doing well as a belly dancer. Which was enough to make me bite the inside of my cheek to keep from bursting into laughter because as sexy as Maz was, I doubted he would look nearly as appealing full on dressed as a belly dancer. Hilarious, but more funny than sexy.

He grabbed my hand and placed a hunting knife into it, closing my fingers around the handle. "Sometimes simple is best, my little painted lady." He kissed my cheek before giving a wicked grin and sauntering off, tousling his gorgeous dark hair as he did so. I nearly sighed, fucking sighed, as I watched him walk away. I jolted once I realized what I was doing and nearly slapped myself across the face for it.

Bad, Ethel! Bad!

There would be no wistfully sighing about an Incubus' ass while in public. I knew I had to keep my head in the game. I made a bargain with Maz, I would help him figure out who marked me and not let him become greedy. It was already hard enough. It wasn't like I had guys falling all over me so the fact I had a supremely attractive demon who was getting handsy with the entire purpose to twist my body into a pleased and pleasured pretzel, was making my end of the bargain very, very hard to fulfill.

I shook it off and looked down at the knife. I felt a little... queasy looking at it. I wasn't a hundred percent down for the whole killing thing. I knew it had to be done and the person had basically signed me up for death by sex but holding a knife made it feel a bit too real. I wasn't a bad person, I wasn't. I didn't just go around planning to kill people, no matter what they did to me so this was bizarre and I was craving normalcy for just a moment so I could pretend my life wasn't utterly fucked and that my immortal soul wasn't hanging in the balance.

"Ethel?" The name had any and all colour draining from my face. I should not have thought that. I forced a grin onto my face as I turned to look at my coworker, Brenda. "It is you!" She waved at me, moving towards me quickly, holding out her arms for her standard hug.

"It is!" I was trying very, very hard not to internally freak out as I let her hug me. I caught sight of the knife in my hand and I immediately tucked it behind my back as she pulled away.

"How did you date with that man go?" She gave me a grin as she wiggled her eyebrows and I wondered if my teeth would break from how hard I was clenching them.

"He stood me up." I tightened my hand around the knife, hoping the conversation would end quickly but I knew Brenda. Even though she had seen me on Friday, she would want to talk as if we hadn't seen each other in years.

"Oh I am sorry, dear!" The look of pity on her face was grating and I swallowed a nasty retort down into my stomach.

"I'm not." At Maz's voice I nearly whirled around but he draped an arm over my shoulder, tucking me close to his hot body, literally hot, and of course, aesthetically pleasing in a sexually gratifying manner. I watched as Brenda slowly took him in, her eyes greedily drinking him up and I honestly didn't blame her. He was a prime specimen. I was almost proud of myself for thinking that gorgeousness up. "It allowed me to swoop in and pick her for myself." He spoke in those low and mesmerizing tones and I could practically see Brenda's eyes glaze over at the sound of it. She was completely and totally married and in love with her husband but Maz was... well Maz was made to make people question life decisions.

I knew I was. And I was regretting a bunch of them.

He bent down, pressing his lips to my cheek as my face went immediately scarlet. I swallowed hard before he gripped my chin and turned my face so he could kiss me full and proper in front of my coworker and I would have protested but it was like my brain flatlined from the pressure of his lips on mine. I couldn't think and it took all I had to hold back the little whimpers that wanted to escape my throat.

He pulled away, leaving me to blink my vision back into focus before I felt my cheeks heat up further at Brenda's little squeak. "Oh my." Brenda waved at her face with a hand. "You two make quite a couple." She looked at me, clearly giving me props for my pick and it was honestly grating. Maz was hot but he was also a fucking demon, pun intended. He was also married to me because he tried to kill me with his trouser snake. Sorry, trouser anaconda.

Great way to explain the relationship to a coworker...not.