This is it. The last chapter. Scary huh? If you really wanted to, you could probably figure somethings out about me from this book because, all authors leave a little piece of who they are in every story. Its been a long 10 months but this lame book is finally at an end. Thank you to everyone who has helped this book get popular and thank you to all the haters because you made me laugh with your terrible hate mail. You guys are ironic with being mean. Your not mean :)
1. Ask the person next to you, "Are you in the Witness Protection program too?"
2. Bring a "Word-a-Day" calendar on board with you. Read every single word aloud and attempt to use it in a sentence. Use them all incorrectly. "My, you have a very irate home,' she said governessly."
3. Bring a duffel bag packed with pipe cleaners, Styrofoam balls, construction paper, etc. Organize a "Kraft Korner". Make a craft likeness of the person sitting next to you. Give yourself an "F".
4. Decorate. Bring a scatter rug and tiny draperies. Hang a "Home Sweet Home" plaque on the back of the seat in front of you. Invite your fellow passengers in for tea.
5. Explain how, one time, the plane was crashing and the oxygen masks didn't come out, 'cause they aren't really reliable, and that if the plane was to crash, everyone would die.
6. Fiddle around with the emergency exit, then ask a fellow passenger if he has a crowbar,
7. Give someone a coin, saying "Heads, I detonate the bomb. Tails, I don't".
8. Go into the cockpit, ask the pilot in an obnoxious voice "Why do the call it the COCKpit?" then snort as if it's the funniest thing in the world.
9. If someone has a bad toupee, whack it off.
10. Lead a revolt against the first class passengers.
11. No matter what the meal choices are, demand rice-a-roni.
12. Remark that perhaps you shouldn't have put superglue in your undies that morning.
13. Snap Polaroids of him or her. Pull out an empty photo album and arrange the pictures inside it. Tuck the album under your jacket and say, "You know, in some cultures they believe that when you take a person's photograph...you own their soul...," while smiling maniacally.
14. Switch accents and see if anyone notices.
15. Tell your fellow passenger that you just heard the bathrooms were out-of-order. Then pause and say, "Did you know that peanuts are a natural diuretic?" Smile.
16. With a desperate look, ask the stewardess where the bathroom is, then look relieved and say "Never mind. Do you have any towels?" When she comes back looking distressed tell her "Its rude to assume things" then show her your goosebumps. Its cold, duh.
17. With the person next to you, discuss cannibalism among airline crash passengers on deserted islands.
18. Suddenly remember that you left your iron on. Ask if the pilot would mind going back so you can check.
19. Tap at the windows, saying "Looks pretty tough" then ask someone if they have a bat you could use to test.
20. Don't use deodorant, then "accidental" stick your armpit in someone's face.
21. Whip out your kazoo and give first class a special entertainment show.
22. Attempt to promote Hinduism among passengers
23. Bring a cellular phone. Call God. Say, "The reception is much clearer up here...."
24. Call the stewardess "nurse".
25. Fart loudly and act shocked, looking around to see who did it.
26. Go up to someone and ask loudly if they wouldn't mind applying Preparation H your hemorrhoids.
27. Lead a bible study session in the back of the plane.
28. Put on a ten foot diameter sombrero and slouch in your seat, whacking everyone on the head.
29. Scream and dive under your seat for no apparent reason.
30. Comment quietly to yourself something about the Wintchesters cult Meg wanted.
31. Speak in Spelling Bee-eese: "Hello. H-e-l-l-o. Hello. Nice weather we're having isn't it? Weather. W-e-a-t-h-e-r. Weather."
32. Start a hot dog stand.
33. Continuously ask your fellow passengers to follow you on Wattpad. "Ahaha yeah... Have you ever heard of the Wattpad user Nalu2013? Shes pretty cool. She's chill. I heard she just finished her book to. Yeah, yeah, I know. Its sweet. Anyway have a nice da- FOLLOW NALU!"
*Freddy Benson voice* annnnd we are clear :)
YOU ARE READING
1001 Ways To Annoy People
Teen FictionOne day I thought, 'Wow I'm just really annoying... I should write a book on it!' That's how it happened. Satisfied?
