Chapter ten

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You woke up slowly... and.. groggily... your head pounded... and you felt like death. You didn't really care thought, you didn't like the thought of waking up... and you just wanted to go back to sleep.

Because honestly
What was the point..?

You rolled back over, and the cold icy sheets tightly covered your body. Squeezing and suffocating you... which you also didn't really care about.

Was this rock bottom?
No, you had farther to fall.

You sighed... and tried to fall back asleep. It was no use though... you had been asleep for 17 hours already, your body had had enough...

It was time for your alcohol and sleeping pills, and another 17 hour "nap."

You streached out your arms... feeling your bones crack as you moved them for the first time im a day or so.... you sat up... shaking your legs slightly, waking them up. You sat forward, swinging your legs over the side of the bed, placing your feet on the ice cold floor.

She was born in December.
Now it was February.

You got up.. walking down the hall.. pass the living room... where jeff was sitting.. watching the news.

"Jesus Christ, its about time you woke up."

"Yeah well... i was tired."

"Tired my ass."

You shrugged... walking past him, and into the kitchen for your breakfast of painkillers and vodka.

You swallowed two pills.
Took three shots

Now you wait.

He followed you into the kitchen... coming up to you face to face.

"No wonder why you fucking sleep all day..." he took the bottle from your hand. You shurgged again. "If your going to numb your pain, at least do stimulates."

You shrugged again... i mean... why not?
Its been a long long time since you met up with your old lover...
You had nothing else going on. No reason to not do it... in fact you probably had more of a reason to do it, then not to do it.

"Fine. Get me some and ill take them."

"And itll end all this depression shit?"

"Yeah."

"Fine."

"Itll be like old times again." You smiled at him. How your heart ached for everything to go back to the old times...how... ready for you to fall back into his grasp... how ready for you to return to the life you lived before.

In fact.

You were probably ready to die this way. You didnt really see the end for you. You didnt see how this could possibly play out in any other out come.

You didn't want to live. But you didnt want to die. It was a weird feeling. You just wanted to sleep. Sleeping was a funny thing, laying there blank for hours. If you dreamed. You dreamed of sitting on the coach.

You were alone, in your dark living room. The only light pouring from the screen. What are you watching? Can you even hear it. You just see flashes of colors... from time to time, but its not the tv show that's important.

Its the way you feel in the dreams. Its a feeling that sticks with you a few more minutes before you wake up... and when it leaves it just reminds you that you're back in reality... and it wasnt real.

In a way, its more painful.. cause it feels so so real.. but its not.

Its a real painful mind game.

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