Chapter Fifty-Six: It's Okay To Not Be Okay

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Sebastian's house has a heavy, eerie feeling to it when no one is here.

Its vast walls and weaving hallways have to always be occupied. If not, it's like an abandoned castle from legend. I wonder how Sebastian managed to dwell here on his own when he wasn't hosting parties.

I sit outside most of the day on one of the chairs in the courtyard. With my laptop, I get back to work; it takes my mind off of last night. I want to feel somewhat normal again but in truth, I don't know if everything will ever be truly normal like it once was. I suppose this is the life I live now, and I have to learn how to adjust to it instead of running away from it.

Hours pass and so do countless emails. I've responded to every media outlet in my inbox with the same or similar generated response: "we are not commenting on the situation at this time." My fingers ache from the same pattern of movements on the keyboard. Eventually, I get down to a few emails about my other clients. I shamefully admit that this week has made me forget that I had other clients from my firm I need to devote my time to.

I look at the time—4:45 PM. I've been working the entire day but it hasn't felt like it; time has flown by. I want to text Sebastian, ask how everything is going with his meeting, but I'm sure he's busy. I refrain from touching my phone, but I still think about him. I think about what he told me this morning—he thinks I should talk to someone about what happened with Alejandro. I don't want to, but this seems more like a "need" than a "want." Do I need to talk to someone?

I've been ignoring it all day, but yes, the sound of the bullet exiting his gun and hitting the ceiling still haunts me. The look on his face—the look of insanity—still frightens me. I can't seem to relax my muscles; I'm always alert for the next threat. I can't help but think that Sebastian's in danger again. If I wouldn't have grabbed that lamp—if I wouldn't have knocked Alejandro off of me—things would be completely different today. I'd be writing a statement about Sebastian's death, or worse, I'd be somewhere with Alejandro far away where no one could find me.

Stop. You're doing that "thing" again. Oh, that's right—overthinking.

I gather my things and walk into the house. Viv is in the kitchen finishing dinner and laughing with one of the security guards. I sit at the island, listening and intentionally refraining from adding input of any kind—I don't want them asking questions about me; I don't think I'm in a good state to lie right now.

Suddenly, as Viv stirs the vegetables, the front door opens. My head seems to turn so fast I'm surprised I don't have whiplash. I get up, walk quickly through the living room until I'm at the front door, where Sebastian stands. He closes the door and heads for the stairs, but stops when he sees me.

I immediately know something is wrong.

"Hey," I greet him with a smile, walking over to kiss him, but he steps back and turns away. I feel offended. Rejected. But these feelings go away when I realize that something happened.

"I'm gonna go shower," he tells me; he doesn't look at me once.

I don't say anything as he walks up the stairs, his legs skipping steps to make it to the second floor faster. I stand motionless until the slam of his bedroom door makes me jump. The sound echoes through the house, carrying off like a scream in the wind.

I open the front door and look out into the driveway only to find no SUV. Where's Isaac? Penny? Claude?

I pull out my cell phone and contemplate on who I should call first. Ever since our intense discussion about "rita" at the hospital, Claude and I haven't been on good terms, so I rule him out. Penny? I doubt it—she wouldn't say a word about what happened unless Sebastian gave her permission to do so. The last option lies with Isaac. I can trust him, at least I think—he works for my biological mother, a woman whom I've never met before.

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