Lo Recuerdo Todo (Oscar Diaz/ OMB)

4.

I paced in front of Jamal, biting at my cuticles out of nervous habit.
"Why are you doing that?" Jamal pressed in confusion.
"I'm trying to think clearly." I explained.
"Can't you think clearly not in my room?" He suggested and I shot a glare at him, and he quickly backed down.
"I have to ask you something."
"Shoot."
"What can you tell me about Oscar?"
"Oscar, as in, your old boo?"
"Yes, I guess that one if that's how you must put it." I shook my curls over my shoulder and sat at the foot of his bed.
"Here's what I can tell you-" he sat forward and looked me dead in the eyes, "he's absolutely terrifying." He stopped and I continued nodding as I waited, assuming there was more to say.
But there wasn't.
"Wow, you don't understand how important that is for my research." I rolled my eyes pushing myself up.
"I don't know much," he answered honestly, "he went to prison?" He continued trying to give me something useful.
"Do you think he's reasonable?"
"What are you talking about?" He laughed, folding his legs pretzel style and sat foreword. "Wait, why are you dressed up?"
I groaned, audibly.
"Is it a secret?" He whispered now and I looked at him confused. "If its a secret I can't know, but I really want to..."
"Why not?"
"You know I'm not good with secrets." He reminded, and I nodded.
"Didn't grow out of that huh?"
"Unfortunately, no..." he sighed, resting his head against the backboard.
"Well, what I can say is-"
"Don't tell me-"
"I have to go see Oscar tonight." I blurted and his eyes went wide.
"Why?" He squeaked, putting his hand over his heart dramatically.
"That's the secret."
"Are you doing something nasty?" His nose scrunched up and his lips snarled.
"Christ, no..." I laughed and he loosened up now.
"I'll be able to tell you as soon as I'm back." I pushed myself up hearing my phone buzz on his dresser.
"Well you look good, whatever you need from him you're gonna get!" He clapped, sassily.
"On that note, I'm leaving."
"Leave the front door open, Ruby's coming over."
"No parties." I pressed, pointing a stern finger at him.
"It was Cesar's fault last time!" He confessed and I turned around, pinching the bridge of my nose and squeezing my eyes shut tightly.
"It seems to be..."

***

The walk was short-
Well, not short, he lived a few blocks over but I felt as though I was walking towards my inevitable fate which seemed to make things go faster.
I gave myself this time to go over the points I want to make.
Points I want to make
-he's smart
-he has a chance for a better life
-it's never too late to do the right thing
That's about all I got, and if worse comes to worse- cry...
I turned the corner to go down his street and felt my pace slow down.
I walked slower now, smoothening my dress with my hands and shaking my fingers through my curls.
Behind me a lowrider pulled up, the bass shaking the ground beneath my feet. I turned around, crossing my arms tightly around my chest.
The emerald car slowed further and the window was rolled down.
"Hey, Mi." Cesar waved, his chest out over the door.
"Hi Cesar." I smirked quickly, turning my face to the road again.
"We're driving past mi casa, need a ride?" He arched a brow.
Oscar told him, I rolled my eyes, smiling at the ground, refusing eye contact.
"No, I'm fine." I assure, taking a deep breath.
Three more houses...
"You sure, lil mama?" The driver asked I stopped for a moment bending over and peering inside, as the car mimicked my action and the driver leaned foreword.
"I'm fine." I nodded, straightening up quickly and walking with purpose this time.
"Well I'll see you later I guess," Cesar started and I gave him a quick thumbs up. "But keep it down tonight." He joked and my blood began to boil.
"You little shit." I charged for the car and they sped off quickly.
He's not even the same respectful little Cesar I knew.
Now, all bets are off.
I nearly sprinted to Oscars house, and when I stepped foot in the yard I saw him alone, on the foot of his doorsteps.
"Eres tan patético!" I started, seeing him drop his glass beer bottle to the concrete as it smashed at his all black shoes. "Who the fuck do you think you are? Ruining people's lives, over stepping boundaries! You really think you rule the fucking world!" I cursed my chest pressed to his as we stood face to face.
"Aye, Bonita, you better back up before you get smacked up." He hissed and balled my fists at my sides.
"Eres tan jodidamente tonto!" I bit back, our noses touching as we looked at each other.
"You got me fucked up, mami, if you think that I'll let you come in my yard and disrespect me like this." His breath tasted like alcohol and my nosed scrunched at the scent.
"Disrespect you-" I threw my head back laughing, feeling his chest puff up, pushing himself tighter against me.
I brought my face down to his, eye level as we glared at each other for a moment.
Our breath battling for the small space between us, our heartbeats filling in the beat the others' missed.
"Bésame perra." He pleaded, pressing his lips to mine as I immediately wrapped my arms around him tightly.
We tried to walk up the stairs, catching each other when we slipped up and made it to the front door.
He fumbled quickly pushing it open as we walked through the door into the house. We maneuvered through the furniture, dodging the obstacles and making it to his room.
He fell back onto the bed pulling his shirt off as I kicked my shoes off, and pulled my dress up to my waist, straddling him.
"I can't believe you're here." He whispered breathlessly, his hand ran up my torso and stopped my chest, holding me for a moment before letting it fall to the top of my thigh comfortably.
I put my hand on top of his, and held it for a moment before remembering why I was here...
"Cesar..." I trailed, coming out of my lust fueled haze.
"What?" He asked confused and I put my hand over his throat in a quick movement and his eyes went wide. His hand holding my wrist in caution.
"Why did you jump Cesar in?" I pressed, and he closed his eyes slowly in annoyance.
"That's why you're here- did he tell you?"
"No, he didn't, I can tell. He's being crude, and jumpy- he's not the Cesar I knew..." I shook my head and closed my eyes feeling sick. "Why?" I pleaded, still not making eye contact.
"Why what?"
"Why would you do that to him? He's so bright, and has so much potential. The gang life isn't for everyone." I explained. "Especially, Cesar, you of all people should know that." I pressed harder against his neck with the palm of my hand, feeling his throat tighten.
"You better ease up, Naomi." His fingers tightened around my wrist and I pulled my hand up and shook his grip off.
"Tell me, god dammit." I cursed, feeling myself get sick.
"I didn't make him do anything, he chose this." He pulled himself to a seated position against his backboard, I fell backwards from my seated position on his hips and removed myself from the bed and stood beside it.
"Why did you let him?"
"It's what he asked for." He ran his hands over his face.
"This isn't a life, Oscar." I shrugged. "Prison? You went to prison? You want that for Cesar? A lifetime of fuck ups?"
"Don't put that shit on me." He pushed himself off the bed and stood across from me. His California king the only thing separating us. "I've done nothing but support him, and care for him- especially when my mom couldn't."
"And you did an amazing job."
"But you don't know what it's like-"
"Oscar." Begging in my voice.
"No, you don't get to come in here and disrespect me like this. That kid means so much to me-"
"You had dreams." I reminded, watching him shake his head. "Real dreams, we talked about that, don't you remember that? Our dreams, for each other, for a someday."
"And if someday never comes?"
"That's my line," I bit the inside of my lip tightly, fighting back tears, "then you would say: I'd make it happen for you, Mi, I'd make the blue sky the color of your lips if you asked me to..." I let one fall from my left eye as I quickly brought my hand up to wipe it away. "Oscar, give him a chance at a normal life. Let him be with his friends, let him live. Let him be a free man, that's all I ask."
"Naomi, it's done." Was all he said.
I shook my head, my heart heavy in my chest.
I walked around to the foot of my bed beginning to slide on my Adidas superstars.
"You leaving?"
I sat in silence, tying my laces as he sat behind me on the bed, moving my hair from my neck and laying his lips on my warm skin.
I blinked quickly, a tear falling from my eye and dripping down my leg as I finished tying my second shoe. I shrugged him off of me and stood up, straightening my dress out.
"I thought we would be different, just like you used to tell me." I spoke just barely outside of a whisper. "And if not different for us, different for you. Those dreams of being a chef, and owning a restaurant... you could've made that happen. Santos isn't hereditary, it's a choice, a choice you made, a choice Cesar didn't think was a real choice. So now he's stuck to impress you, he wants to make you happy. This game is gonna kill you, and get him killed. To think I didn't try to stop it would kill me inside.
"5 years." I whispered, putting my head on the door, as my hand rested on the handle. "5 years was what it took, for you to abandon the life you wanted- the life you could've had...
"The life we could've had... or couldn't we? I guess it doesn't matter..." I shook my head, feeling my stomach knot. "I had so much faith in you, I had so much love for you." I balled into the wooden door, opening it wide. "Good bye, Oscar."