Lo Recuerdo Todo (Oscar Diaz/ OMB)

17.

I walked up the porch, ringing the door bell and self consciously looking around. The neighborhood was mainly still. A few blocks over I could hear the loud music, but over here it was quiet, everyone else was asleep.
I heard shuffling before the door was opened by a shirtless Oscar, his eyes opening wide then squinting again.
"Mi? It's 1 AM..." He practically whines, rubbing his eyes tiredly, focusing on me in his doorway.
"Can I come in?" I asked, watching him look back into the house then back at me.
"I don't know if I got it in me, baby girl." He held the door wide as I stepped past him seeing Cesar passed out of the couch and the tv still playing a movie I'm sure I pulled Oscar from.
"No," I shook my head, pushing my hair back, "I need you, to- to hold me?" I said more as a question than a statement. "I want you to hold me, like we used to when we were young." I repeated and his eyes went wide, reaching for my hand and pulling me closer.
"Of course." He smiled, and led me to his bedroom.
This time it was different, he pulled the covers back, smoothening out the bottom sheet and turning back to me.
He pulled my sweatshirt off, and then got down on his knees and pulling my shoes off then standing back up.
He presented it to me and I crawled in, moving over to make room for him, and he moved in, laying beside me.
He put his arm around my waist, holding my hand against my stomach with his lips pressed at the top of my head. I sighed.
"Oscar." I started and he hummed. "I was so scared..." I admit as he kissed the top of my head slightly.
"I know." He admits, giving my hand a small squeeze.
"I lost myself for a moment, I accepted prison, and his death, I was ready." I continued and he nodded.
"I know." He agreed.
"Oscar, I wanted to do it." I was empty, I wanted to cry and scream but I didn't have the strength.
"Baby, I know."
"When you did it- was it worth it?" I asked, feeling embarrassed for even thinking that was appropriate but using my power over him to get the answer I wanted.
"Yes." He answered simply, a reaction I didn't expect. I nuzzled into him as he sighed this time, knowing he had to elaborate. "I knew he deserved it, I knew that no matter what- I helped the situation, Yazmine felt safer after the fact... I didn't think we were gonna get caught or that I was gonna end up in prison- but I did." He explained, being nonchalant. "But it was bound to happen for me, Naomi, I was bound to end up there..."
"Did you kill him?" I continued, pushing my boundaries at least while I'm not facing him.
"I did." He confessed quietly.
"Oh."
"He got what he had coming, disrespecting someone like that..." Oscar became angered, I could feel his heart race against my back.
"Oscar." I pressed.
"I would do it again, I would kill that scumbag that hurt Kehlani like that too, in a heart beat." He admitted and I turned around quickly, putting us a moment away.
"Oscar." I put my hand on his cheek, trying to bring him back to me.
"I would do anything for you, Naomi, I would do anything to protect you, and the twins, Cesar..." he trailed, raking his fingers through my hair. "I protect my own, you know that right?"
"I know, babe." I reached to kiss the sweet spot on the side of his mouth softly, fluttering an eyelash on his cheek as I moved to put my head on his chest.
"You called me babe..." he whispered as I looked up at him quickly before moving my head back to my position.
"Yeah..." I shrug.
"I don't think you've called me a pet name since you've been back, cariña..." he pondered.
"You're usually under my skin, you don't give me too many options to call you cute names." I teased, the light touch of his finger tips on my exposed arm relaxing me.
"I love being under your skin..." his finger tips pressed a little harder for emphasis then lighter again.
"Oscar."
"Naomi."
"This game..." I started, hearing him chuckle.
"You gonna cave?" He teased.
"No." I changed my mind and reworked my next statement. "No matter what, it doesn't change how I feel about you."
"I know, but it's fun."
"You like getting jealous and worked up?"
"You don't?"
"I don't get jealous is the problem." I confess, jealousy is a waste of time...
"Mm you ain't seen me and Eva yet, mama." He kissed his teeth, teasing me and I slapped his chest lightly.
"Shut up." I giggled softly, still not enough strength to really indulge in the moment.
Conversation slowly dropped off as we laid there, the alarm clock next to the bed shown 2:30 and by now we hadn't said a word for 30 minutes. I looked up at him, seeing if he was awake, and he was...
He looked down at me and smiled softly, leaning to kiss my forehead lightly before pulling my body closer to his.
"I love you, Naomi." He promised, gently.
I moved my body up to have my face in the crook of his neck, and waited a moment.
"Oscar." I started, saying his name even felt right in the moment. "I love you." I admit, my heart swelling in my chest when I could hear his heart beat race and his skin became flush, feeling significantly warmer under body for moment.
I smiled til I fell asleep, truly content for a moment.

***

"Oscar!" Cesar pounded on the door jolting both of us awake. "Oscar wake up!" He continued and I sat forward, as he tore out of the bed going to the door purposefully.
"Qué onda?" He barked and my heart stopped momentarily, never hearing his voice so harsh.
"Uh, Sad Eyes just texted, Sparky's been shot." Cesar explained, obviously shaken by Oscars tone.
"Aye Dios mío..." Oscar stepped back and Cesar stepped in, taken aback when he saw me. 
"Oh, uh- hi."
"Hi Cesar..." I began to get out of the bed, obviously uncomfortable.
"I have to call the others..." Oscar came to the bedside, grabbing his phone off the counter and walking out of the room.
I shook my head, grabbing my sweatshirt and sliding it over my shoulder.
"How was your night?" He asked awkwardly.
"Good. Did you sleep well?"
"Like a baby." He shrugged.
"Good." I smiled at him, and he nodded. "Cesar." I grabbed his attention by changing my ton and he came to sit beside me.
"Yeah?"
"Keep Oscar safe, for me..." I plead and he nodded.
"You of all people know that you can't make Oscar do something he doesn't, but I'll work on it." He smirked, giving me his word.
Oscar barged back in the room, obviously fuming.
"Let's roll." Oscar grabbed his hoodie, motioning for Cesar to follow him, and he did.
I sat for a moment, looking between the bed and doorway- very confused.
I slowly put my shoes, hearing the front door burst wide hitting the wall behind it and watching Oscar barge into the room.
Before I could speak he laid me flat on my back on the bed, his body over me as he propped himself up with his hand beside my head.
He pressed his lips to mine, desperately...
His kiss was needy, and passionate and when he pulled away my eyes shot wide- immediately focused on his.
"I don't know how this is gonna end, but I meant everything I've ever said to you, Naomi Turner, I'm in love with you." He whispered, as if someone else would hear his words and I nodded, not speaking out of fear that it would make the situation real...
He understood, pushing himself up and leaving again.
I didn't know what to say or do at this point.
But his own admiration to the possibility was enough to break my heart entirely.
I stood up, straightening the bed and walking to the door looking back in the room, promising myself I wouldn't step foot in it again...
I shut the door behind me and walked through the living room to the front door and locking it once I was outside.
I walked to my car, each step feeling more and more like goodbye- and that's cause it was...
I can't handle the possibility of losing my loved one to a gang related situation.
I can't handle waking up one morning and knowing that they might not be there that same time tomorrow morning.
I can't handle being on the outside.
But I also can't handle not having him in my life.
He's my first love, maybe- only...