Lo Recuerdo Todo (Oscar Diaz/ OMB)

22.

I shimmied my way in through his window once I finally got it open. I dropped to the floor with a thud and quickly made my way to my feet.
I've been on and off the phone with Marcus all day, small recovery updates, and just to get his mind off of it. He's been at the hospital for 48 hours straight at this point and doesn't plan on leaving till AJ's ready to be moved back to his home.
I told him I'd give him space and I told Aj I'll see him once he's home... the hospital is a bit too much for me...
I sat on the edge of the bed, and waited, hearing him come closer.
"Good night, Cesar." He called out as he opened the door and stepped inside slamming it shut behind him before even looking in my direction.
"Fuck!" He cursed, seeing me at the foot of his bed and clutching his heart. "Ay dios mios, Mi, estas loco?" He rolled his eyes walking towards me. I stood up quickly, trying to keep him arms distance away. "Que bueno, mami?"
"Where have you been?" I cut the cute shit and he arched a brow, immediately setting a tone.
"And it's your business because?" He pressed and I rolled my eyes.
"Because I'm asking, now, where have you been?"
"The nerve-" he kissed his teeth shaking his head, "you goin' round telling everyone it's never gonna happen between us and that you just 'couldn't do it' but never even discussed it with me- yet here you are breaking into my god damn house and pressing me for answers. Now ain't that some shit." He swatted my hand away, folding his arms over my chest. "Aye, if you got an issue why don't you have pretty boy come get some answers from me."
"Did you do it? In Arizona, did you go and hurt that kid?" I ignored his remarks, trying to be direct.
"I don't know what you're talking about." He hissed, one eyebrow arched, and he became calm and collected.
"Don't play dumb with me."
"Prove you're not wearing wire, right now." He demanded and my voice caught.
"Fine." I rolled my eyes, giving in slightly. I pulled off my shirt, pulled off my leggings and shook my bra from the bottom.
He walked over and his fingers snakes under the hem of my bra, feeling around, then he did the same with the seams in my underwear.
Once his hand moved to back he gave my butt a small squeeze and then stood back.
"You seem clean."
"No shit." I rolled my eyes pushing him away, grabbing my leggings and yanking them back on.
"But leave the top off, mami." He suggested as I sat on his bed and obliged, sitting pretzel legged in my bra and leggings.
"Now, I need answers."
"So quick to give in on my requests, so I'll start this negotiation, cariña, when were you gonna tell me we were over?"
"You should've figured it out when I didn't answer your texts 3 days in a row."
"Mm." He grunted and I rolled my eyes.
"Did you do it, we can talk about us later but I need to know, was it you?"
He looked at me, putting away his feelings about us and scooting closer to me slightly.
"Are you gonna turn me in?"
"Oscar, as much as I fucking hate you, I would never." I admit and he nods, looking down at his lap.
"I couldn't help myself." Was all he said, finally giving in.
I stayed silent as he grabbed my hands in his.
"When you came over distraught and upset I was so hurt, my heart was aching. Seeing you like that..." he paused, shaking his head with his eyes closed, "it was killing me, mami..."
"Oscar, you could've been caught..." my voice was in my throat, my eyes burning with the warning of letting a tear fall.
"It was worth, to keep Lani safe."
"Did you say anything to him?"
"I told him he better fucking watch himself, and unenroll. Find a new school." He hissed, I could see his cheeks flush reminiscing on it.
I shook my head, knowing if I spoke I would just cry.
"I almost ended his life."
"Oscar stop." I warned, my stomach in knots.
"I stopped myself, for you." He finished.
I slowly looked up at him, trying to hold off eye contact as long as possible.
We locked eyes and I immediately started crying.
It was silent, just the tears as I tried to bite my lip and keep myself quiet.
He brought his hand up to my cheek, wiping my tears away.
"Naomi, I've been hearing you talk about me, saying it's not gonna work that I'm too different- we're too different, but that's just not true mami."
I shook my head, still not ready to speak but hoping he would stop.
"You make me a better man, someone to be proud of." He explained and I could feel myself ready to explode.
"Oscar." I whimpered into my cupped hands.
"I just want you to know that. Even though you're out there hanging out in pretty boys mansion, in his SUV's and shit I'm still here, and I'm still in love with you.
"When you're out there saying it's over but not talking to me about it, and getting flowers while you're getting pedicures and shit, I'll be sitting back holding it down for you." He pressed his finger into my chest, making his promise.
I wiped my tears away, taking a couple deep breaths.
"Naomi, I would marry your stupid ass in a heart beat. Look, you come here every couple weeks and start out all mad, then we get hella soft and end up in my bed and I'm cool with that. I got that long game on lock..." he explained, and I nodded, still fixing my face. "I don't do shit to impress you, I do things for you, my whole purpose from this point forward is to make myself better to have you in my life forever. You know I would do anything for you, even put up with your fantasy game of house with pretty boy Wright. And baby it's all good..."
"Oscar." I looked at him in the eyes finally.
"Yes." He smirked.
"I hope this doesn't come back to you, because I don't want your dumb ass locked up." I confessed, wrapping him in my arms.
He pulled me closer, sitting me on his lap.
"I'm serious." He repeated, feeling genuinely terrified.
"I know, Oscar, I know." I squeezed onto him tighter.
"I'm serious about marriage." He whispered into my neck.
"So was I..."

***

"Hey Lani." I started softly, really nervous.
She grunted as a response as I stepped inside shutting the door behind me.
"So, we should talk about what happened."
Silence.
"And before you think I had anything to do with it- I know who did it."
"Oscar."
"What?"
"Oscar did it." She repeated and I wasn't sure how I was to respond.
"Uh-"
"Look, Mi, I'm not gonna report him, but I wanna know why." She turned around, finally looking at me.
"Naomi, he wanted to protect you."
"From?"
"From that experience." I explain and she rolled her eyes.
"It already happened to me, Mi, it's already done." She pointed out, her hand gestures starting to become more frequent. "I can't go into a crowd confidently, I'm constantly analyzing every person and playing out every scenario to protect myself if something were to happen. I can't get close to a man, ANY man, without my heart beating itself into a flatline. Every touch, every glance, every hello is different, Mi. I wanted to fly under the radar, go unnoticed but I can't. If he ends up going to that school-"
"He won't, he's been warned."
"He's a rich white guy, if he narrows down this search and finds someone even remotely close to Oscars description it's game over. He's the one who's always winning. You should know that by now. The rich white male always wins. Always." She finished and I nodded, soaking in her words. She let me process before continuing the conversation, I had so many things I wanted to say to her and I wanted to get it right so bad.
"I'm sorry, I planted the seed to him. You're right, in theory it could've made things worse, but what if it didn't? What if it's your break, this works out for you? Keh I don't know what you went through, I wouldn't know how to survive that... but you did, you survived and nothing will take that away from you. I tried to protect you from something that already happened, and I was wrong. I'm sorry. But it came out of ignorant love, and for my own sanity I hope it works out. I understand you're mad, and you should be- but it's on me, all on me... I wanted to be your savior because I already let you down. But you don't need to be saved, because you're stronger than me- stronger than I'll ever be." I finish, grabbing her hand in mine as she pulled herself into my arms.
We held each other for a moment, silence so comforting around us.
She squeezed me tightly for a moment before whispering.
"I love you, Naomi."
"I love you, Kehlani." I pulled back, kissing the top of her head lightly, and smiling at her for a moment. "You bad ass, you."