June
Getting kicked out of the band proved that I'm really not needed. Im useless. Unwanted. Untalented. Freak. Loser. Most of all, I'm done. Im sick of this shit. Sick of being judged for my sexuality and my battle with depression.
So sick of everything. I'm done.
-Calum.
When I returned home, my mother was in tears. She was so upset that her son tried to kill himself so soon after my father's death. I hope she knows it's not her fault. It's my own fault for not getting help, for not telling Michael when I didn't have the chance to, and now I may never have the chance.
I guess he already knows, but I didn't get to tell him. I want to be the one to tell him my feelings, not his ex girlfriend that he'll never see again.
When I left, I left without telling the other boys, wanting to spare the tears and the sadness. So I rode a lonely plane ride. My mind constantly going back to the previous happenings. I can't believe it. I can't believe they could kick me out so easily.
Since I've been home, I've been locked in my room. I dont want to leave. I don't want to eat. I don't want to do anything except hide away forever.
My mum keeps urging me out of my room, but I don't leave. I fall asleep instead. My dreams are my happiest place. They're the only thing I can control usually. I like to have dreams of when I was in the band. When we put videos up of me and the rest of the guys just saying what we like about each other, describing each other. Just doing random shit like we always used to do.
But recently my dreams are filled with Michael. They're filled with Michael loving someone else. Of Michael kissing and marrying someone else.
"Calum! Aren't you going to get ready?" Luke shouts from his room. I sigh, my eyes becoming watery because today is the day that is qualified to be the worst day of my life.
"Yeah." I call weakly from my bed. I don't want to get up. I wanted to see how long I can stall it. Besides, they can't go on without the best man can they? My face is deep in my pillow, if I die from this, does it count as suicide or..
I decide to get up anyway, not even bothering styling my hair. I don't care how I look at the wedding. I don't want to go.
I brush my teeth and get dressed, dragging my tux to my car and driving off to the church where the wedding is going to take place. After I arrived and was dressed, Michael came up to me, smiling wide.
"Hey," I greet, putting my most perfected fake smile on and straightened his tie for him a little. "You look great." I say, hiding the slight crack in my voice easily.
"Thanks, Calum." he says, "I'm so nervous." he mumbles and my hands drop to my side.
"You'll do great," I promise, even though my heart is breaking in my chest.
"Thanks, Cal." he says smiling and all I do is nod as he walks away. When I look around, I see so many happy faces, so many familiar faces that greet me whenever they walk by, but I can't help but feel all alone in this crowded room.
Next thing I know I'm standing at the altar, watching Michael watch his bride come down the isle. Seeing him be happy, and that happiness not caused by me, is like watching the puppy you fell in love with at the pound get adopted by someone else before you could get to it.
I watch as they say their vows, each word deep and meaningful and filled with so much love that I could've given him. He seemed so in love with this girl, whoever she is, and I should be happy for him but I can't find it in me to even pretend to be happy for my best friend.
"And you may now kiss the bride." and in that moment I swear, I could hear my heart shatter, along with all of its insides flowing out into my body. Much like when an aquarium is busted open.
We are now at the reception, but I find myself in a mad dash to escape. I was running and running, I couldn't stop until something was forcing me back. Some unknown force was keeping my feet from moving as I began bawling my eyes out.
"Calum!" a voice echoed down the halls, but I continued to cry. Eberything was spinning as my name was repeated louder and louder until my eyes flew open.
"Calum." the voice said softly, holding me close to their body as I sobbed into their chest, not caring who it is. I never want that to happen.
a/n: hey guysssssss I had work today that's why im updating so late.
ANYWAY IF YOU CAN GUESS MY FAV OF THE 5S0S FAVS THEN ILL DEDICATE THE NEXT PART TO YOU GOOD LUCK BYEYEYEY
