B l a c k b o y j o y

𝟬𝟬𝟱 || 𝗔𝘂𝗴𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗔𝗹𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗮

*𝗣𝗶𝗹𝗹𝘀*

"Don't be afraid to lose what was never meant to be"

Tears go down my face as I hear the sounds of my mom screaming and this man which is suppose to be my so called father hitting her half to death. To be honest I don't know if I really should do anything. This woman doesn't even show that she loves me. She doesn't do things mother's are suppose to. She makes me do all these things for her and her boyfriend just so I can stay here. And if I don't I sit on the curb and sleep until the next day comes and I do everything she asks. I remember he put his hands on me for the first time and I had hit him back,  that woman locked me in a closet knowing I'm claustrophobic not even knowing what I did. I let out a shaking cry. I got up and grabbed my poem book and the purple ink started scattering around the pad. I haven't eaten in sometime because I've been kicked out twice for forgetting to run her boyfriend a bath and forgetting to do her laundry. She didn't need me today because she seemed busy. I just got under the covers on my mattress and closed my eyes while tears run down my face trying to zone out the screaming.

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I walk into the same building I walk into 5 times a week and go to my locker. I open it and see all of my meaningful poems onr the inside door of the locker. I rummage through my locker looking for my books and stuff and make my way to Mr. Alsina's class. He is my far most favorite teacher. He has a way with words. He can make a small group of words mean a lot. That's why I love him. I've learned that you can have love for someone lowkey without knowing. It can be any type of love. Although I don't think people understand that there are 2 types of love.  There's the love where you are like,  "  Yeah your cool. I will be there for you and I respect you. " Than there's the one that's like "I will kill for you and live for you. I don't care if the whole world was against you I would be the one on your side. " Now which one do you think is the real love? He also has a lot of amazing features. His pink lips with his bottom lip bigger than the his top one. His tattoo sleeves that go up on both arms. His full head of hair thats usually everywhere but he pulls it off. He has a nice fashion sense too. He has a way of looking hoodish but fashionable. As I enter his class I can already spot him in the front writing down stuff on the board. He turned around around and he caught my gaze and as soon as he did I hide under my hoodie. I hate having attention from someone I don't want attention from.  Well its not like I don't want attention from him its just that I don't want him to notice me. I get to the very back row and sit in my seat and open my poem book. I plug in my ear phones and play some music. As I listen to my music I grab a pink pen from my pencil bag and start writing a different poem. As my pen starts scattering around the paper I could see that people really started pooring in. I took out one ear bud and kept the other one in just in case I'd miss something. He started talking about how you put spice into your poems by adding alliteration and repetition. I've heard about alliteration but I always thought is was something meaningless in a poem, like stanzas. No one even pays attention to those. " Repetition and Alliteration help exaggerate the text. It helps bring attention to it. For example repetition is repeating something over, so let's say if you you were to use a certain sentence at the end of the first stanza than use it on the end of the second stanza that's considered repetition. Alliteration is some what the same except it uses the same letter at the beginning of a pair of words. "He said writing them down on the board. He always for some reason had his pants sagging. Although I do notice how he tried so hard not to sag. It made sense why he would dress in such a way considering he was 21 about to turn 22 in the summer. "I suggest you write this in y'all notes so you don't fail. Cuz' allot of y'all need dis hea' grade. Y'all don't wanna be hea' next year and I know dat fo' a damn fact. "He said making half of us laugh. I chuckled at his little comment and looked say him. He looked at me back and smiled and as soon as he did I broke my neck to look back at my poem book. I could feel a pair of brown eyes still on me so I pulled my hoodie down more. His reaction was a small sexy chuckle making my face turn red. As I started to write the note I could feel my stomach forming butterflies inside. When I continued writing I started to think more about my mom and her boyfriend. I've been meaning to run away and not look back,  but I have no where to go. I just want to getaway so bad. If I could get away from them I would be free. They make me see things I don't want to see. I see things that aren't suppose to be in a child's head. I see blood and tears all over the floor and covers in my room. Than I hear screaming and crying and who is that crying? Me. The man that I barely know beating me senseless. The woman in the corner watching and laughing as it happens. As I scream and ask for help I don't even no what he's about to do next. He starts taking off his belt as I scream pointlessly for help. I keep screaming until I feel him smash himself into me making want to kill myself. As he just keeps going with my tears coming out my eyes. I look at my mother and mouth the words help and she just rolls her eyes drinking her wine and walks out. I scream for her to come back a millions  times and she doesn't come back. Instead she walks out and locks the door. I start hitting his back hard as I can screaming till he hits me clean in my face. Its over! I'm fucking dead!  Look what the fuck he did. He put in this situation. They don't fucking understand what the fuck it's like to feel shot inside but your still alive! Keep fucking seeing things that make me look crazy! I'm fucking confused. I wake up and I see I'm in a fucking casket. I don't see any one in at my fucking funeral. They don't give a shit. Cuz I'm fucking dead. "Mahogany!" I hear a as voice say. I look up and I see everyone looking at me and Mr. Alsina looking at me with a face of sympathy. "Are you crying? " A random boy asks. I feel my face and I have salty tears on my face. I hear the bell ring and I get my bag and instantly get up and rush out of class. As soon as I get out the class room I go straight to the girls bathroom. I get in a stall and lock it. I take my hoodie off and take my ear plugs out of my ear and instantly start running my hands through my messy hair. I start shaking as my heart starts beating faster. My breathing quicken as I rock back and forth. I stop rocking and start silently crying. I think I wanna kill my self.