2.O version of the Review Book. This time around, the reviews are much better and more clear. No fluff reviews and honest opinion. So if you want a honest feedback on your work, sign up.
Only Ishqbaaaz, Kuch Rang Pyaar Ke Aise Bhi, Swasan and Manan...
Title: The title is nice but I don't really have much to say about it.
Description: The summary is short and simple but there are two things that are wrong in it. But none the less you did a great job.
➸Error one: It's Shivaay nor Shivaay. Take care of the capitalization. Proper noun should always begin with capital letter.
➸Error two: There is something wrong with the last sentence. Either it should be Set in the beautiful country of Mauritius, this story will make you laugh and swoon or if it is not written this way then it is supposed to be Even though in a beautiful place like Mauritius, Anika might just get to know the ugly side of it. After all, everything has its ugly side, right?
So that examples were crap but see the sentence structure. I'm not even sure that I was able to explain what I really wanted to. But whatever as long as you get my point. Also, add the credits in a bracket or give two to three line indent (space).
Punctuation: The punctuation may seem okay but it was not.
➸Comma [,]: The comma was over used to a point that I was irritated. Even when there was no need for a comma you had added it; in some places once or otherwise twice. There were so much of them that even when the sentence would have flown nicely, I had to stop. And it was so abrupt. I know you added them according to how you would probably narrate dramatically but you need to understand that to add pause you can't always add a comma. I mean everybody has their own way of narrating things. I will tell you where I noticed it.
What would a person do if he's asked to relocate his country and relocate to another one suddenly?
See, there's a consistent flow in this. You don't stop abruptly when you don't need to. I know somebody might have told you that there is a need for a comma before 'and' but I do think they didn't tell you the circumstances. A comma before 'and' should only be used when you are kind of listing things. I mean like example I invited Nina, Nikki, and Karishma. I mean that's how you use Oxford comma. So do you get it? (ANSWER THIS QUESTION BECAUSE I AM CONFUSED AF)
➸Exclamation mark: It was overused way too much. Just read your paragraph out aloud and you will feel it. If I did that, I would've to exclaim every other sentence which is...for the lack of better adjective, quite off. Exclamation in third point of view are very rare because the narrator doesn't really exclaim everything he observes so yeah...
➸Period: Give space after each full stop (period). It's essential you do so. Otherwise it's grammatically incorrect.
Use of Its': I had studied about this word in one of the grammar blogs and I found out what exactly it's used for. "Its'" is not commonly used. This word is the possessive pronoun of it. So how you used it is wrong.
WRONG: Mauritius was a breathtaking place and anyone could fall in love with its' beauty.
CORRECT: Mauritius was a breathtaking place and anyone could fall in love with its beauty.
USAGE: The house belong to Dan It (it is a surname here) and I assume they have a dog. The its' dog is very fierce.
OR: He went his way, the horse went its'.
Tense: I mention this a lot but please STICK TO ONE TENSE. Please don't wander to present tense when you have chosen past tense. You just cannot do that. It's not right.
Overall: One thing I have learned from my experience is that editing is the key to success in writing world. So try, try and keep editing. Editing will help you make the story better and I know this story has the potential to be far better.
AND PLEASE VOTE THE AUTHOR. ALSO IF YOU COULD, TAG YOUR FRIENDS.
