Screw Off, Ross |A Ryan Ross Fanfic|

Blue Burns Orange

I swear to god I love Hawthorne Heights so much. I feel really emo now, having said that.

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I came home to what I already expected, a screaming match. I ran up the stairs, dropped my backpack on the ground, and weeped into my bed. I debated on pulling my phone from my back pocket, but I decided it was a horrible idea. Instead I plugged my laptop into my speakers and turned my music up as loud as I could get it. It drownded out the fighting perfectly, I gripped Ryan's hoodie and inhaled his scent. I found it soothing and I cried into it. I needed an escape, and I knew exactly what it was. I went across my room to my closet, I gingerly opened the door and rummaged through the farthest left corner of it, I pulled out a small box. It contained one carton of Tahoe Evergreen 100s, I pulled a lighter from the box as well. I shook a cigarette into my fingertips, placed in my lips, lit it up and smoked it until I needed my ashtray. I reached in my box and pulled out a small plastic cup. I made my cigarette flinch over the plastic cup, causing it to drop the ashed end of the smoke. I smoked my cigarette down to the filter, that's when I pulled another one from the carton, and another, and another. I was halfway through the carton before I realized the Skype call screen ringing on my laptop. It was Curtis, I accepted his call and smoked the rest of my pack while we talked. I had a serious nicotine buzz, but it numbed me and I loved it.

"Is it that bad right now?" Curtis asked motioning to my cigarette pack.

"Worse." I felt my eyes tear up.

"Oh." He looked into my eyes, and I wished he was here.

"It just sucks because he's been gone since for eleven years, I'm not even presented with the opportunity to hang out with my own father after him being gone for eleven years. All they've done since he got here is fight, in so sick of it. I can't handle this in top of everything else that's been going on." I found myself crying, and Curtis sympathized.

"Beverly showed me the posts..." His voice trailed off and I was close to sobbing.

"Yeah...it wouldn't be as bad if people, who I thought were my friends, weren't taking his side!" I started crying a little harder.

"I'm so sorry, (Y/N), do you want me to come over?" He asked with genuine concern.

"I don't know anymore." I felt myself crumble, but only slightly.

"I'll be there in five." He snatched his keys and ended the call.

He didn't lie, he was there in exactly five minutes. I lied on the front lawn waiting for him, I heard him park and listened to the comforting thud of his body crashing next to mine.

"Thank you for coming over." I hugged him, he smiled and hugged me back.

"Anything for my girlfriend's best friend." He blushed when he said girlfriend.

"Wait so you and Bev are-" He cut me off.

"Yes. We are." He smiled without a care in the world, I envied him in that moment.

"How long have you guys been-" I was cut off, once again.

"Since the coffee shop." His smile crept further.

"I'm so happy for you guys!" I was suddenly ecstatic, it felt like the home I was going into wasn't a resemblance of World War III.

Curtis's phone buzzed, he checked it and kissed my forehead, "I have to go."

I whined and he chuckled at me, "I don't want you to go."

"You'll be fine." I felt myself crumble a little bit further.

"Curt, please, is it dire?" I was desperate for him to stay.

"Kinda," he started until he caught a glimpse of my face, "no not really."

"Can you stay?" I felt my eyes glaze over.

"Yeah." He sat down next to me, and I grasped his hand tightly.

"Thank you." Was all I said before spilling my heart out to him.

I told him everything that had happened this morning at Ryan's, everything at home, and more or less how much of a mess I was.

"You're not a mess, you're just a little bit lost." He hugged me tighter.

"I want everything to stop, I want to stop." I was weak and my voice was hoarse.

"No, never say that." His eyes were tearing up.

"Curtis, I can't handle this anymore-" He cut me off.

"You have me, you have Ryan, you have Beverly. You know that all three of us would go to the ends of the earth for you." He squeezed my hand and then gave his warm smile to me.

"Curtis-" He cut me off by hugging me tighter that what I assumed was humanly possible.

"I'm not losing you." He choked out.

"I love you, Curt." I cried into his shoulder.

"I love you too, (Y/N)." He squeezed my fragile body one last time and released me.

"Do you really have to go?" I was glum.

"Are you okay now?" He grabbed my hand, gently.

"A little bit." My voice was dull, and he sympathized.

"If you need me, just call." He kissed my forehead and entered his vehicle.

I laid on the lawn for awhile, just thinking, I realized that both Ryan's shirt and hoodie were still on me. I smiled and played with the drawstring on his hood. I loved him, and he loved me. I missed him. After what felt like twenty minutes of me reminiscing about Ryan, my father shouted his last remark to my mom and slammed the door shut.

"You're an inconsiderate, no good, whore that's why I left!" He screamed so loud his voice cracked, I winced at the abrupt slamming of the door.

I looked around to see him get in his car and force the engine to roar into a non-living state of life. He took notice of me and rolled down his window.

"You're mother doesn't care about you, darling, come home with me." He said in a sickly sweet voice.

"At least she didn't leave me for eleven years, never visited once, and only comes by now to make the lives of both my mother and I a living hell." I spat at him and stormed into the house.

"You're a little whore too, fucking that goddamn drunk's son!" He shouted at me, as I shut the door.

I pressed myself against it and slid to the floor, tears streaking my face, I noticed a familiar perfume surround me.

"It's okay darling, he does this every time he's here." Her voice was hoarse from the two-day screaming match she'd just finished.

"Don't blame my father for the screaming match, you participated just as much as he did, and don't you dare say I'm taking sides. I'm not. You're hardly ever around because all you care about is you boyfriend, John, and he hasn't been involved in my life for eleven years.

Neither of you care about me, don't act like you do now just so I'll choose one over the other." I rose with force, my voice cracking halfway through my lecture, my sobs could be heard above the anger I felt.

"(Y/N)-" she reached out to me and I grimaced at her, pulling away from my mom's touch quickly.

"Don't touch me." I growled before storming up the stairs.