My Name Is Memory

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A/N: Play the song on the other side while reading!

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"Man's yesterday may never be like his morrow; Nought may endure but Mutability."

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To the one from the star,

That night, after I'd fallen asleep in your arms, I think I saw a dream.

No, not a dream. A nightmare.

This wasn't one of those where my brother bled to death on the passenger seat, or the ones where I managed to wiggle out of the burning, wrecked car only to turn around and see John, who couldn't escape, being engulfed by the fire. Sobbing and weeping. Crying for help. Reaching out his hands to me before the flames charred his skin and reduced him to ashes.

No, this nightmare wasn't one of those.

I still have trouble remembering the details,  because each time they'd been the same but with distorted surroundings, or blurred faces, or an upside down world. But the feelings that haunted after; the fear that consumed my lungs; the horror that took away my breath never altered.

It was the same every time.

That night though was the first time those dreams ever came to me. We both were holding hands and walking through a forest, enveloped by a darkness that didn't scare me anymore. You were there with me, and I knew I wouldn't fear the shadows ever again.

The trees had formed huge canopies above us, occluding the bright sunlight. It was summer, I could tell. I didn't have my woollen clothes on, neither did you.

But when you looked at me, tilted your head a little to the side and smiled, I knew no other person could make me feel this way. I welcomed the warmth that fluttered in my stomach; the heat that tingled at my fingertips and slowly crawled up my limbs. I felt the gooseflesh prick my skin, even though I knew I wasn't really cold at all.

I returned the smile with the fondness I felt for you.

It was a moment. Just a moment of peace. I knew because I could feel the change coming -- brewing at the peripheries of this happiness we'd cultivated together, just waiting to leap on us. A change I knew I was not going to like in the slightest.

The forest turned darker as we walked deeper; the sun seemed to have set below the west horizon. Shadows soaked the sky and night creeped out from the clouds.

We were plunged into darkness.

I remember holding your hands tightly when I felt the pull. The pull that seemed to snatch away your hand from me. I'd looked at you, expecting the same light-hearted laugh, or the bright smile that lit up your face everytime you were caught teasing me. 
I had expected everything but the fear within your eyes -- a place where only kindness and love resided. I didn't understand what was happening. I couldn't grasp anything.

I remember trying to ask you, but my voice fell into deaf ears.

Because I realised my hearing sense had been impaired. I couldn't hear my own voice! It was unnatural. It was scary. And I didn't know what to do.

I remember you squeezing my hand, trying to tell me it was alright. I don't remember hearing your voice either but somehow I knew the exact words that escaped your lips.

I wanted to cry. I didn't understand what was pulling you away from me. So I held onto you tighter, hoping it'd work. Hoping I was strong enough to fight the world.

But before I could reach out for your other hand, a bright light illuminated the inky blackness of the forest. I'd covered my eyes with my hands, without a realisation that the light was actually coming from you. Had it not been for our dire situation -- the pull that threatened to separate us -- I probably would've stood there and gawked at you just like the first night you'd come to me.

There was this light, a golden light, that emanated from your skin and soaked you in angelic glory. Your hair looked like a halo crowning your head. Your eyes shimmered like the sun on a warm sunny day. Your beauty didn't exude pride or power. It radiated kindness.

And I was enchanted again. I wanted the world to stop so I could stare at you a little while longer. I wanted to memorise your face, your beauty -- every inch of you.

But the pull had other plans. Yanked out of my hold, you were taken away from me until you were floating high above ground. I tried to reach you, but every time I jumped, you seemed to be pulled more towards the sky -- far, far away from me.

I wanted to scream 'No'. I wanted to scream 'Stop this'. But all I could think of at the moment was 'Please, come back'.

Seeming to realise my thoughts, you smiled. The same smile that had once filled my lungs with breath, that had sealed the wound in my broken heart, that had lulled me to sleep every night. But that smile now was lost in the brightness of your glow -- it was just a fading coruscate under the surface of your light.

And I ached to see it again. Your face twinkled like the lasts of a dousing flame, as if you were about to disappear. But I wasn't ready to let go. I still had a lot of things to tell you. I still had a lot of feelings to share.

I wanted to say 'I love you'.

But before I could do that, you managed to bend down against the force pulling you, and stroke my cheek. You were saying something that I couldn't decipher anymore. The world was quiet, yet my mind was in chaos. I couldn't help but think Are you leaving me?

You smiled again and I tried reading your lips when you said 'Goodbye. Stay well.'

And you were jerked away from the hold that anchored you to Earth. Far above in the sky, you seemed to fly away until there was a burst of fulguration and you disappeared into the night with a scintillating glow.

Like firecrackers.

Flecks of embers dotted the mystic darkness of the night sky, and I almost mistook them for a rain of stars. I was hoping you'd fall again. From the sky.

But you didn't.

I wanted to scream; wanted to carve my heart out of my ribs until I bled to death; wanted to jump and take off after you even though I knew I could never fly.

I wanted to chase you. I wanted to chase after a star.

It was madness. It was insanity!

Yet I wanted to try.

I remember running through the forest, venturing deeper and deeper into the woods until I reached the fringes where the trees didn't stand so close anymore. The forest thinned.

I was standing on the edge of a cliff, with the ocean far below me roaring with its incoming tides hitting against rocks.

I didn't think twice. I didn't consider the repercussions at all. I jumped. To chase after a star. Until I was engulfed by a blanket of cold. Until there was was nothing but the echo of emptiness.

And in the end, it didn't matter anymore. Because you were gone.

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A/N

So this is one of the lengthier entries lol. I hope I didn't bore you because there weren't any dialogues.

Let me know your thoughts!

Thank you so much for reading! ❤

~Jenna