Peeta Mellark- What is left?

The Arena

Training begins the next day. Well, I think it's the next day; it's hard to tell when you're passing out all the time. I've been trying to forget what I said in the Tribute meeting but it hasn't stopped me from hating myself for saying it. I never thought gaining control on my own mind would be this hard.

When I walk into the training centre, every eye is on me. I was hoping they would have tried to forget what happened the other day but I guess not. 

I go straight to the painting area and begin to turn myself into tree bark. I haven't painted since the day I attacked Gale but it feels good none the less. All the tributes talk and help each other, showing their skills but nobody approaches me.

"I'm going over there" Johanna doesn't seem to have the ability to whisper to Gloss and Cashmere.

"Why would you want to talk to him?" Cashmere grabs her arm. She lowers her voice so it is almost silent but I catch her words "We agreed not to give anything away until the end. No one is to ally with him" 

A voice in the back of my head wants to know what's happening but I must remember these people are my enemies. I wouldn't want them as allies anyway. 

"Yes you would, Peeta" For a mintute I thought someone else had said that but then I realise I said it. "No I wouldn't." I argue against myself "C'mon, you know you'd be better of with them! Shut up"

I yell that last part really loud which makes the others give me strange look. Why am I arguing with myself?

"See! He's losing it!" Gloss whispers to Johanna but she shrugs Cashmere's hand of her arm and strolls over to me. 

I give her a quick glance; "she's medium height with dark messy hair, she carries an axe."

"You alright?" She asks when I realise I just described her out loud. I say nothing. "Don't worry about it" It's like she read my thoughts.

"About what?" I try to show her that I'm not worried. It makes me look weak and that's not what I need right now.

"You argue with yourself like you're two separate people" She looks down and picks up a paint brush. I watch her examine my arm as she tries to copy it. "I bet that at least 10 of the tributes in here have been threatened to be hijacked, except Snow never did it until you" 

"I'm not hijacked. You can't just take over someone elses head like that!" She's starting to get to me now and I want her to go away!

"Really? You believe whatever you want but a change in thought could make a big difference in the arena" 

"I didn't ask for you opinion!" I try to keep calm infront of the Game makers who are watching us but I can't help myself from yelling "I don't care about winning! My ownly wish is to rid of that mutt!" 

Johanna scowls at me and walks off back to Gloss and Cashmere who all laugh when I turn away. Maybe it won't be just Katniss who I kill in the arena.

That evening we go to the remake centre to prepare for the all important inteviews with Caesar. The idea of going back is stupid; they've had us parade around the stage before so why do it again.

My prep team do my make up in silence while I stare into the large mirror that sits infront of me. They try hard to cover up my scars and dark circles but they still shine through the layers of paint. I am given contact lenses to cover up the black but they just disolve on my eye as the black devours the artificial blue. 

I am carted of to see Cinna who I haven't seen since the Victory Tour. He doesn't act like I'm a different person like the others as he reveals the suit I'm going to be wear. The jacket, trousers and shirt are fully black but my tie, collar and cuffs are white.