YouTube {Jeon Jungkook}

6.

I did cry while writing this, so be prepared.

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"I watched as you walked away, your back turned to me with your shoulders sagging. You had left without a word- without an answer to my question. But I took your silence as a "no." Your mom looked at me awkwardly before going to find you and I was dismissed to do whatever I wanted to now. I was free to leave, but I didn't want to. I wanted to go back to you and make sure you were okay and say I was sorry.

"The ring box in my hand became lot heavier. I felt tears well up in my eyes as all the images I had with you went up in smoke and shattered into a million tiny pieces. All my hopes and dreams flew out the window. I couldn't do them now. Not without you by my side. I had closed the box and as I gripped it tightly, I considered throwing it away or just leaving it on your kitchen counter to let you know that the offer was still open. I wasn't going to leave you. I didn't want to.

"When I walked out of your house and got in my dad's car, I let the dams in my eyes break. Was I not enough? Had I done something to hurt you? Did I just screw up a three year relationship? I concluded that I had, and that you didn't want to be with me after I had screwed up like that. I told myself that Taehyung, my best friend, was right. I should've waited. I should've waited until after college. I should've waited until we were mature and not throw ourselves into this so quickly. I should've listened to him, shouldn't I?

"An hour later at graduation, I couldn't stop glancing your way. But you wouldn't look back. You were avoiding me, and I couldn't blame you for doing so. I had made a stupid mistake. I watched as you got your diploma. Your smile was beautiful. All of you was beautiful. I remembered that you had been granted a full ride to your favorite college and how ecstatic you had been when you opened up that letter. I remember feeling sad and regret that I didn't try to put forth any effort to getting some sort of grant at least. I only cared about YouTube. I spent that night just hanging out by myself and sulking over my mistake.

"That summer I didn't even text you or call. We didn't talk. You had texted me several times, asking how I was and if I wanted to come hang out with you somewhere, but I was stubborn. I told myself you just wanted to pester me about my stupid mistake. I regret not agreeing. Maybe I could've saved us the trouble of what would later come. I hope you can forgive me for being so difficult.

"I noticed on the calendar one day that I had it marked. That was the day you were moving. That was the day where I would no longer have a chance to bump into on the street and explain things. You had officially drifted out of my grasp and I could've done something to at least get us back on speaking terms but I told myself I couldn't. I told myself that you wouldn't ever take me back. So I let you fly away and take all my dreams with you.

"As I continued with YouTube, I tried to push you away for my career's sake. My subscriber count was inching towards one million and told myself that I needed to remain the chill and hot gamer they knew and loved. But every time I turned the cameras off, thoughts of you flooded back to me. When I'd go to bed, I'd think of the time you slept over at my house junior year. You had placed a pillow in between us and when we woke up in the morning, you had climbed over the pillow and had placed yourself right in my arms. When I'd eat breakfast alone, I'd remember all your good morning texts that usually consisted of a sweet message and a funny picture of you with bed-head. I treasured those memories and kept them tucked away in my mind for the days to come.

"I didn't realize that I had started talking about you in my videos. My subscribers would comment asking who was the girl that I kept talking about. 'We want to meet your girlfriend!' 'Who is this girl that has stolen you away from me?' 'She's so lucky to have you!' No, you weren't lucky. I had burdened you. Even in your freshman year of college you were still burdened by me because I continued to ignore your messages. The last message you sent me was on Christmas Day. You said: 'This will be my last message, since I believe you have either blocked me or changed your number. I hope you have a great Christmas and may you have a good life. I don't know if I'll ever see you again, but I want you to know that I enjoyed surviving high school with you. You made my new home bearable. I wish you could've stuck around for college, but that's okay. You had to go on your own path, and I understand that. Good luck on your videos! I can't wait to see you become the most popular YouTuber ever!' I remember crying and hating myself over and over again. And then Taehyung told me to find you again.

"You wouldn't take me back, would you? You didn't want me around anymore, did you? 'She obviously still wants you, Jungkook,' Taehyung told me. 'Go find that girl and make her yours again. Go find her and I don't know... make out with her until her face falls off.' Those were his exact words. I was terrified. I thought I was terrified just to meet you again and get back with you, but now that I look back on it, that wasn't the case. I was terrified of being rejected again. I was terrified that you would turn your back once more because I bombarded you.

"I didn't intend to meet you at that café three months ago. I was just stopping there before I headed over to your college and asking if you were around. As I sat at that table outside, I remember staring at you. My mind didn't know if I was just going insane and I was seeing you everywhere or else if that was really you. I remember you making eye contact with me and even though you were all the way across the building from me, I could recognize that dazzle in your eyes. I got up and you followed suit and I think you know how the rest fills in, honey.

"Fast forward to now. We're getting married. The dreams I had pushed away and rejected are now coming true. I couldn't be happier, (Y/N). I'm honestly glad that we've been through all this. All this trouble just made for some memories we can laugh at and reminisce when we're eighty years old rocking back and forth in our rocking chairs on the porch of some rest home. I can't wait to pick up where we left off at. I can't wait to have a family with you. I can't wait to love you unconditionally forever and ever and ever. I can't wait to see you walk down that aisle, with everyone standing around and marveling over how beautiful you are in that gorgeous white dress of yours. I can't wait to dance with you tonight and sweep you off your feet and show everyone that you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.

"I love you, (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N), and I don't think anything could ever change that. Thank you for forgiving me of my mistakes and thank you for helping me realize that lost love can be found again."

~ Jeon Jungkook

Jungkook's letter to you before the wedding.

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Do you guys like the idea of GIF scenarios and like Twitter post segments?? I don't know how to word it but hopefully you know what I mean. 

Oh, and you can request for this story! Just comment or message me~