What The Heart Remembers - The Heart #2 (Complete)

Chapter 1 - Part 1

Please note this story has not been fully edited and will have spelling & grammar mistakes.

**********

3 months later

Adonis

My phone began to ring so I reached for it. Glancing down at the identity of the caller made my stomach tighten with anxiousness, it was the last thing I needed just before a gig. It rang again as I took a deep breath while I held it in my hand and then I answered.

"Hey," I greeted.

"Have you been trying to avoid me?" Alex asked sharply not bothering to beat around the bush.

I sighed. He was my best friend and he knew me well so there was no point in trying to hide it.

"It's just easier," I said, feeling the weight on my shoulders.

It had been three long months since Lacey had survived a risky surgery and defied the odds of pulling through but as miraculous has it had been, her memories of me and what we'd shared had been lost.

When I thought back to that first moment she had looked at me without the warmth of what she had felt was like a knife twisting in my heart. In that moment everything we'd shared had been taken from us.

The urge to fill the gaps in her memory was superseded by the fear of the impact it would have been on her. When she had woken up after surgery she had been so confused and upset. After a talk with the doctor it had been decided to give her time and see if the memory loss was permanent.

Permanent was something I hadn't been able to contemplate.

"I get it," he said and I lifted my eyes to look through the large window of my hotel room at the dark city below. London was beautiful at night and I had a view of the London Eye and the Thames. But even the view couldn't ease the sadness inside of me.

"I want to be the person she needs me but it's too hard," I tried to explain. I didn't like talking about it because it made my heart ache and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Hell even when I wasn't talking about it I was thinking about it. The pain was constant.

"Just give her more time," he said gently but I was already shaking my head.

I couldn't go on like this. It was tearing me apart. Holding on was like being trapped in time. I couldn't go backward or forward. Stuck in the short time we'd had together and every moment I was there faced with the memories only I could remember was sucking the life out of me.

"It's been three months," I began to say. I swallowed the emotion that tightened my throat. "Like the doctor said if she was going to recover the memories it would have happened already. The fact that she hasn't regained any of the lost memories... it means she isn't going to remember."

Lost forever. I closed my eyes briefly feeling the familiar pain sweep over me.

Initially in the days that followed her surgery I had been optimistic but every day that had passed without her remembering had chipped away at the hope that I would get her back. I had very little hope left three long months later.

There was a knock at the door.

"I have to go," I said turning away from the window.

"Promise you're going to make it to my birthday party next week," he said. My hand tightened around my phone pressed to my ear.

For a moment I stilled. To see her again and not be able to touch her like I used to made me hesitate. It would be torture. He knew even thought I was on tour I had a break coming up. I could make it but the question was did I think I could handle seeing her again.

"Gray," he said and there was another more insistent knock at my door.

He was my best friend and I couldn't avoid him just because I was in love with his sister and she couldn't remember.

"I'll be there," I assured him, regretting my words already.

I would do it for him.

"Great. See you then."

He disconnected the call and I stood staring at the phone contemplating what I'd agreed to. I had to find a way to deal with it. So far I hadn't figured out a way to stop the pain.

"Come on man," Link said through my hotel room door. "We're going to be late."

That snapped me out of my pity party and I grabbed my jacket and opened the door. My work schedule was the only thing keeping me sane.

"You're worse than a girl man," Link whined and I brushed it off.

"I was on a call."

The sombreness in my voice made him stop. I slid my leather jacket on as I turned to face him.

"How is she?" he asked.

I let out a sigh and ran a hand through my hair.

"Fine. She's the same," I replied with a shrug.

All that should have mattered was that she'd survived and she was still with us but I'd wanted more, so much more.

I'd been given heaven for a few precious moments and now I was living in hell.

We'd spent years getting to the point of admitting our feelings for each other. Ours was a love story that had spanned most of our lifetime and to have it taken away just as we were starting was more than I could bear.

Seeing my obvious lack of eye contact as a sign that I didn't want to talk anymore he dropped the subject. We joined Sage who was waiting downstairs at the back entrance of the hotel.

The smile that tipped my lips didn't reach my eyes and it was hard to copy my bandmates easy going mood. Alex's call had brought back the raw feelings of being in love with someone who didn't remember they loved you.

That night on stage I tried to keep thoughts of Lacey from playing on my mind but when I sang the words of a love song, even with thousands of screaming fans, she was the only girl on my mind and the only one I wanted.

I couple of times in between songs when the lights on stage darkened I felt the harp pendant I still wore beneath my shirt and closed my eyes for a moment savouring the moment I could think back to the few moments we'd shared.

Usually it gave me the strength to keep on going but that night it had felt like it was weighing me down with the reality that I'd lost her already and there was no getting her back.

Later that night when the guys wanted to go out clubbing but I didn't join them. My mood was dark. I couldn't go out and pretend things were fine when they weren't.

Back in my hotel room I shrugged out of my jacket and threw it on the closest table. Inside the bathroom I stripped my clothes off and showered. Once I had a change to clothes on I grabbed a beer that the hotel stocked in the room for me. I switched off the lights and sat down on a chair that faced the large window that over looked the city.

Looking into the stars above the city I took a swig of my beer. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't try and numb my pain with alcohol and hoped she was going to remember how much she loved me. It was time to be realistic and accept that she wasn't going to remember.

I swallowed hard as the pain ached in my chest.

But I didn't know how to move on from here. How did I get over my feelings for someone I had loved for so long? It was like I'd been given a glimpse of what my life would have been with her but then it had had been cruelly taken away.

I'd hoped that she'd loved me once and even if she didn't regain the memories that she would be able to love me again but as time had passed that hope had died.

That night I spent most of the night looking at the stars thinking about how she liked to lie on the roof of her house and watch the sky. For that brief time I let myself feel freely as my mind wondered through my memories of our brief time.