What The Heart Remembers - The Heart #2 (Complete)

Chapter 14 - Part 2

Lacey

I blinked, opening up my eyes. The sharp light blinded me and closed for a moment. I shifted slight as I swallowed.

"Harp?" A gentle voice asked. I opened my eyes again and this time they sharpened on the relieved face of Adonis.

My Gray. My heart swelled with the experience of our moments. Emotion tightened my throat. I reached out and touched his face gently.

"Gray."

It felt like it had been forever since the last time I had touched him but remembering it hadn't been that long.

"Harp?" he questioned again. His voice nervous as his eyes searched mine.

I smiled at him. Taking in every inch of his features like I was seeing him truly for the first time.

"I'm okay," I told him but he didn't look convinced.

"You collapsed..." He paused while he studied my features. He was trying to gage how much I remembered.

"I remember."

It was like he was too scared to ask because of his fear for disappointment.

I smiled at him. "I remember how to make pancakes."

"Really?" He looked shocked and bewildered. He leaned back as he ran a hand through his hair. My hand dropped to cover his other hand which was still holding mine.

"I remember you promised me a proper date."

He smiled, the type of smile that showed off his deep dimples and made my stomach dip in response. It was hard to think that through everything we'd been through together we'd never been out on a date.

"You remember," he echoed standing up slightly so he could lean closer. I nodded feeling the emotion that I'd been missing for so long washed over me, leaving me emotional.

He leaned his forehead against mine and I closed my eyes, savouring the moment. I felt a completeness that had evaded me since I had woken up from my surgery feeling confused and frightened. Pushing the reminder of what I'd been through with my memory loss. I didn't want to think about it or feeling that emptiness that had pushed me to the edge.

For moments we stayed still enjoying our closeness. There had been so many times I had wanted this so badly. But there had been just as many times I had resigned myself to the fact that it would never happen. But here we were.

I remembered our first kiss and the feel of his skin the first time we'd been together. I let out a breath, feeling so many feelings it was hard to cope.

"I love you," he whispered and I put both my hands in either side of his face as he lifted his head. He still looked so anxious and I wanted to soothe his fears. Maybe he was scared he'd lose me again.

"I love you too," I whispered, my voice hoarse.

I brushed the bottom of his lip with my thumb. His eyes flickered from mine to my lips before he leaned closer and kissed me. The feel of his mouth covering mine was indescribable. I was breathless when he pulled away slightly ending our kiss.

"I was so scared. When I saw you at the concert and you looked so upset."

"It was overwhelming."

I could still remembering that feeling of memory after memory reeling through my mind and the strong emotions rushing through me as I lived through each one of them. The emotional roller coaster had started with with the first memory of him telling me how much he loved me. The discovering of my tumor and the subsequent struggle to put it my surgery hadn't been easy to experience again.

We'd been through so much over the last few months.

"I still can't believe you remember," he breathed. "I just want to hold you and never let go."

My heart lifted at his words.

"Then hold me," I told him, shifting over slightly on the hospital bed to make room for him. He didn't need me to ask a second time. He got on the bed with me then took me into his arms.

I felt him tremble slightly as I lay my head against his shoulder. I understood the need to hold him and never let go. His arm tightened around me.

"It's been hell without you."

I looked up to him. His eyes found mine and I soothed him with the brush of my hand against his face.

"I'm here now."

He kissed my forehead.

"When you woke up from the surgery I was so relieved. The odds hadn't been good but despite that you pulled through." He paused, too emotional to continue. "Then when you didn't remember it felt like I'd been given you back but with no possible way to be together. You didn't remember Aiden either."

Aiden. I couldn't wait to see him. In the short time we'd known each other had brought us closer than most people who'd spent years as friends. There was no way for me to understand what he had gone through. To have our entire friendship wiped from my memory. I remembered the fear and bewilderment at the frowning face of the stranger from the hospital.

Waking up being unable to remember had been scary and even now I didn't want to relive it. Only the fact that it was over and I was cocooned in the warmth of Adonis made it bearable.

"Keeping away from you for those first few months wasn't easy but I thought I was doing what was best for you because believe me I was living each day in hell without you. Living but nothing more. My only solace was the few memories I had of us. I missed you so much. It seemed so unfair that after finally discovering how we felt we didn't have a lot of time. I kept reminding myself I had to be grateful you were alive."

It hurt to hear how much he had gone through when I had been oblivious to it all. But deep down, since I had woke up with my memory loss, I had been living with a piece of myself missing. It hadn't been easy but after what Adonis had revealed I felt I'd had it easier than him.

"After, when you were discharged I found it easier to keep my distance than to be around you and pretend we weren't more."

I held him a little tighter.

"I got regular updates from Alex and I thought you were doing well."

But the truth was I hadn't. I had began to spiral out of control.

"And then when I got the call from Aiden telling me that Reece had confided in him that you'd been drink heavily. If I'd had any idea I would never have kept my distance."

"There was no way for you to know," I murmured. He seemed to feel guilty but I didn't blame him. I'd been pretty good at keeping it from most people.

The mention of my best friend made me feel guilty for being angry with her when all she'd been trying to do the right thing. There would be time for me to apologise to her and make amends.

"I never told you this but after your surgery I went through a few tough weeks and I turned to alcohol to numb the pain."

I was shocked.

"Link finally told me to get my shit together and I did."

"I'm sorry," I mumbled feeling responsible for being the reason for it.

"Don't be. It wasn't your fault," he told me. He kissed my forehead again. "I want you to understand why I was so determined to help you. I understood what you were going through and if Link hadn't stepped in when he did it would have been so much worse."

I wasn't proud of how I had used alcohol to help cope with the unexplained feeling of loss I had struggled with. Holding Adonis beside me explained what I had been missing. It had been him and what I felt when I was with him.

"Thank you."

"You don't have to. I love you and I wanted to help in anyway I could."

His words didn't make me feel any better about my behaviour when he had offered to help me. I'd been so selfish to be able to see his actions for what they were.

I expelled an emotional breath trying to get rid of the over flowing feeling of guilt. My current feelings for my actions during the time I had been missing my memories weren't easy to think about.