courage {Niall Horan}

I

You know that feeling when you're so nervous you're about to puke? That you are on the verge of tears but also on the verge of laughing out loud?

That you're that nervous that you forget how to speak and how to do basic human interactions?

I'm feeling every kind of nervous that there is right now. There are only 10 people in the bar so I shouldn't even be that nervous. But I'm the girl that sits on the first row in class and answers every question with ease. I'm not the kind of girl to just step on a stage and perform in front of people. Not even if there are only 10.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" The bar manager asked me as the girl before me was finishing up.

"No" I said with a nervous laugh, "but I'm going to do it."

"Alright, just don't puke on stage or pass out again." He said with a small smile. Honestly, it wasn't the first time I stood here with my guitar in my hands. I have been coming here every friday for the past 5 months and tried to find the courage to take the step. I stood on the stage infront of everyone last week. But then I passed out.

"C'mon Charlotte. Today is your day." I said to myself when the girl got off stage. I took in a deep breath and got on the stage, succesfully. I stood at the microphone and looked around as a big, loud group just walked in.

Goodbye to all the courage I just build up.

When they noticed me on the stage they got quiet and sat down in the back.

I felt my head starting to spin as I realised the amount of people watching me just doubled. I closed my eyes for a second before taking in a deep breath. If I don't do it today, I don't think I'm coming back next week.

I placed my shaking hand against the strings of my guitar and I took in another deep breath as I looked down at my feet before shakingly starting to play. I'm sure it sounded like shit, but I've never gotten this far before.

I got to the part where I had to start singing but when I opened my mouth, nothing came out. I kept playing the first part until I finally was able to get some words out.

My voice was shaking and I couldn't open my eyes. Once the first part was over, I found a little more courage and slowly opened my eyes. I was still looking down at my feet but it was something. I couldn't hide the nerves in my voice or the shaking of my hand so it probably sounded terrible.

The second I was done I fast walked off the stage and  quickly put my guitar back in its case.

"Honestly, I expected it to be much worse when those guys walked in. You don't even sound that bad." The manager said as he laughed a little while I walked away in a rush. I ran out of the bar and rushed towards my car, throwing my guitar in the back before going to the nearest trash can to puke.

Is it even healthy to be this nervous for something you like?

I'm a nerd and I'm pretty sure I don't belong on stage.

"Hey nerve wrack." A girl said from behind me when I was done puking everything that I had inside of me out of my system. I quickly cleaned up my face before turning around to see the girl that went on before me. "You're not bad, just loosen up a little and leave those nerves off the stage and it will sound even better."

"Sounds easier than it seems to be to me." I said with a small smile as I looked at her. She worked at the bar so she has seen me try to go on stage every friday night.

"I'm Jessica." She said with a small smile as she put her hands in her pockets.

"Charlotte." I replied with a smile.

"Just come back inside, have a drink and relax a little. You'll see that half of the people going on that stage are a lot worse then you are. The later it gets, the drunker they get and more people that can't sing at all get on stage."

"I'd like to stay but I have to go home." I said as I scratched the back of my neck.

"Oh c'mon, how old are you?" She said laughing a little

"23"

"Then live a little." She said before taking me by my wrist to pull me back inside. "If you don't have fun by the end of the night, I won't ever ask you to stay again."

"I really should go home. I've got a lot to do this weekend and"

"Just one hour, you'll survive that." She said with a laugh as we walked through the bar. She let go off me before getting behind the bar and I sat down on one of the bar chairs as I looked around awkwardly. "as I'm pretty sure you're not used to alcohol, here's a light beer."

"Thanks, I guess." I took the bottle between my hands and looked down at it for a while before taking a sip.

I sat on that chair for 20 minutes listening to the people on stage behind me, which indeed included some very bad ones.

"This is from the boy across the bar." Jessica said as she handed me another beer. I turned around and a boy raised his glass with a smile as he looked at me. I smiled back before looking infront of me again. "He's cute and a great singer."

"I'm not looking for someone right now." I said with a small laugh before taking a sip of the beer.

"You don't look for love, love finds you." She said with a laugh and I smiled at her. I looked at my phone and let out a sigh when I saw how late it was already was.

"Hey." A guy said from beside me, I turned around to see it was the guy who bought me a beer. Who suddenly looked very familiar once I saw him up close.

"Thanks for the beer." I said with a small smile.

"Thanks for your performance." He said with a small smile.

"That was an absolute joke." I replied, I was a light weight and one beer was enough to take the nerves off.

"It was bad but you've got talent under all the nerves." He said laughing a little. "Do you want to try again?"

"Definitely not. I'm sure I would pass out if I go up again." I replied laughing

"What about a duet, it's always a little less nerve wracking when you're not alone on there." He said with a smile.

"I was about to go home when you arrived. Maybe another time." I said softly before getting up. I still had half a beer left but I wanted to get out of here and go home, put my pyjamas on and watch funny cat videos for the next hour.

Sounds like the perfect plan for the rest of the night.