courage {Niall Horan}

XXIV

I can't do this.

That was the only sentence that went through my head as Niall pushed me towards the stage.

I can't do this.

"C'mon Charlotte, you're going to have to learn it one day so why not start right now?" He said as he took the guitar. He was going to come on stage with me but just sit in the back and play the guitar.

"Don't come up with me." I said when I finally was able to get over the voice in my head. He nodded and handed me the guitar. I looked at the stage and the bar was crowded today. I faced him again and he nodded with a small smile.

"You can do this. Just focus on a face in the crowd that you know. That's what I did when I was nervous to go on stage. Just focus on one face and don't worry if you miss a few notes." He said before I took in a deep breath and went on the stage. I looked around untill I found someone I knew. She smiled at me and I smiled back before looking down at my guitar. I suddenly thought of the perfect last minute song change and when I started playing I could hear Niall laugh a little from beside the stage. I looked at him with a small grin and he gave me a thumbs up.

I started singing If I Could Fly and I could see some faces in the audience recognise the song and as it were mostly regular people here tonight, they knew Niall was standing right beside the stage.

I didn't feel as nervous as I used to do. I felt more confident and it wasn't just here on stage, my whole life was changing and the things I struggled with are starting to become smaller and less often.

I am finding a way to move on instead of hiding away. Because that's what I did the first 8 months living here, nobody had a clue and I locked myself up in my appartment, scared to be found.

Untill a wise man told me not to let someone take my happiness away. When I was done I got a applause from the whole bar. I got up quickly and went over to Niall who was waiting for me with open arms. I hugged him thightly after putting the guitar away.

"You did incredible." He whispered softly.

"Thank you for pushing me to go up there." I whispered back. I closed my eyes for a second before looking at him with a smile.

"Don't ever doubt yourself again. You are so amazing." He said as he met my eyes again.

"Now it's your turn to do your part of the deal." I said with a smile. "I want to hear both songs you've written the past days."

"There's beer, pizza and popcorn at my place, does that sound good?" He asked and I nodded. "I would play it here but the risk of someone filming is too big."

"I don't mind getting out of here so don't worry." I said before taking a step away from him to take my jacket and bag. "Let's go"

"I think you should take the back exit." One of the waiters said as he walked towards us. "There's an invasion of teenagers that came in shortly after you went off stage. Can be because of another reason, but if you're about to leave I would take that way. If not, feel free to have a drink by the bar."

"We were leaving anyway." Niall said as he let me go to the back exit first. He followed me outside and the bartender closed the door behind us.

"We're in that bar so often and never get bothered, now I go on the stage and there's an invasion of girls. I think that's a sign to not do that again." I said laughing a little.

"That's a sign to do it much more often." He said while we walked back to his place. "You could make money out of your voice."

"I'm writing a song that I will record together with three girls from the project. It's not finished yet but it would be a way to make some money for the project." I said softly. He looked at me surprised. "I'd rather do that then stand on a stage even though the whole world would hear me."

"I want to hear it."

"Maybe later after you have played your songs." I said with a smile. He smiled back at me before putting his arm around my shoulder again. He still owed me an explanation for the radio silence, but I was glad he was back to being his normal self around me.

—

I was looking around his room at the records he had on his shelf while he went to get popcorn. He had some amazing albums standing here.

"Thought I would find you looking through them." He said which made me almost jump up as I hadn't heard him coming.

"I can't believe you didn't move these with you to LA." I said as I put the one I was holding back.

"I have a way bigger music collection there and one in London too, I still haven't moved everything yet."

"How long ago did you move to LA?" I asked laughing before sitting down on his bed again. I sat down with my legs crossed at the opposite side of him.

"Shortly after we met actually..."

"Now let me hear your first solo hit." I said jokingly. He took his guitar and the notebook beside it. There was a lot written in that book as he was almost at the end of it.

"The current name is This Town but nothing is sure yet." He said as he placed his guitar on his lap.

I looked at him with a smile and he started playing. But as I listened to the lyrics, I started noticing things. I sat there is silence and gave him a big smile when he was done. But I had trouble finding the right words to say.

"It's amazing." I said after a few seconds.

"It's not finished yet but it's a start to going solo."

"How much longer are you home?"

"Another week, I fly back home next week saturday." He said and I nodded while looking down. Our knees were barely touching and I could still feel that kind of electricity I only had when we touched.

"Then why did you waste a week on ignoring me if we only have such a short time left?" I finally asked without lifting my head.

"Because I needed some time to make up my mind."

"You needed to make up your mind, after you saw Sebastian and I together." I said as I was connecting dots. I wouldn't believe it untill he said it in his own words.

"I like you Charlotte. I knew from the second I saw you in the airport when I came back home that it got more then friends for me. But I can't be selfish, I want you to be happy and get all the love you want. But how am I supposed to do that if I'm usually home for two weeks a year?" He said slowly. He was whispering even though his parents were downstairs and they wouldn't hear him anyway. "You deserve someone that can hold and love you every day. So I took some time to get my thoughts together."

And that's the moment when an explosion happened in my head.