New Dawn

Cal

My head is still spinning.

Julian lays in bed in what was once my fathers chambers. In what was once Mavens chambers. Sara sits holding his hand. Like me, she hasn't left the room since he was set up here. She only lets her silent tears fall when she is sure he's asleep, his breathing shallow, his face pale. Who would come for a man like Julian.

Why wasn't I there?

I curse myself. Really and truly why was I not there. I was not at the council meeting when it happened. When the men in masks shot him. His spine was fractured, the bullet was meant to pierce his heart with its Silent Stone, causing him either instant death or a painful, short lived couple of hours. But they missed. Going through his lung and hitting his spine, the bullet smashing into pieces. The shrapnel filling his lungs, and a piece entering his heart. No one could save him. Not even Sara in all her prowess. And so we lay with him, a man for whom every breathe is like the tick of a time bomb.

It is an odd sensation, for a silver, to watch someone you love so dearly die. To know there is nothing that can be done, and to have to watch as they cling to what can hardly be called a life. This must be how the Red's felt when family members would be sent home from the war in pieces. Barely alive. I feel my eyes prickling with tears. I want to be strong for Julian, for Sara. But losing him is something I was not prepared for in the slightest. And he isn't even gone yet.

Speaking to him feels as though I'm speaking to a ghost. Not even when I spoke to my brother when he was marked for execution it didn't feel like this. He could be saved, that fate could be changed. But this one can't. Julian is marked for death in a way not even the greatest healer could fix.

"She's coming back" Sara said.

Her voice snaps me from my thoughts. I nod. I don't really know what to say. 'You don't have to wait for me' rings in my ears. She told me to move on in so many words. To say I didn't try would be a lie. I didn't know how long Mare Barrow would leave me in the dark. I hadn't heard from her since she sent me a single photograph of Clara and her on Clara's first birthday. It was a sweet image, one I keep tucked into my mirror in my room. 'Happy Anniversary. Shocking to think it's been so long. - Mare' scrawled on the back in Mare's all too familiar loopy penmanship. I laughed harder than I'd like to admit at the message. To think that it really was the anniversary was funny. Every year on her nieces birthday Mare, my little lightning girl, would be reminded of our romp in the rainstorm.

I smile now at the thought of it. I see Sara smile as well. She thinks I'm smiling because Mare is coming back. I'm not. I know this isn't the way Mare wanted to return. If she wanted to return at all my thoughts whisper. But I shut them up as quickly as I can.

"Mare didn't want to come back until she figured out who she was" I say to Sara. "I don't know if this is the time for anything between us."

No matter how much I might want it to be.

Sara Skonos gives a hollow laugh "Julian would find it funny that within all this madness you still manage to find time for your hopeless star crossed romance" she said.

Her words were meant kindly but they grate against me. She's right. I think to myself, because it is true. I'm the midst of the war, of the rebellion, of the queenstrial, of my brothers death even, we always found a way to continue what Julian loved to call 'a hopeless romantics dream'.

I look down at Julian, and my eyes once again fill with tears. I have not known a love truer than the one my uncle had for me. I never knew my mother, and my father was twisted beyond repair from grief and frustration, my brother twisted beyond repair by his mother, Mare as lost and confused as I was. But through it all, Julian was there, always ready to lend an ear, a piece of advice, or even on some occasions a joke.

I take a seat next to Sara, enveloping her small hand in mine.

"What are we going to do?" She asks softly "who will take over? Who will want to take over?"

It feels as though my heart has dropped. I've spent so much time worried about my uncles recovery I never considered such a daunting question. Who has the experience, and the patience to take over such a new nation? Julian handled rebellion and insurgence with grace and wisdom. Others will not be so graceful. I worry no one will even want to take on such a job. To be Premier though a great honor, is not what many would consider 'worth the work'. I sigh as I give Sara's band a gentle squeeze.

"Davidson will help us I'm sure" I whisper.

I close my eyes shut and feel the tears escape my eyes. My cheeks are so hot they evaporate instantly. I remove my hand from Sara's, worries with each passing moment that I may burn her.