Summertime (Frerard)

29: Wind Me Up & Watch Me Spin

Walking into school had become an awful lot easier recently. I reckoned it was the addition of Gerard to my life that seemed to overwhelm and live off my own thoughts alone, leaving the ones of worry and panic at first few in their numbers and by now, barely there at all. And I'm still not quite sure as to whether this is a good thing or a bad thing at all.

My mind had been absolutely run amok with thoughts revolving around Gerard and the way I wanted him so bad. I'd spent too long thinking about knotting my fingers deep into his red hair, and not the red that poured from my insides when Skully decided that he was having a particularly bad day.

I was thankful that Skully had found himself without bad days for a good few weeks now, as that would leave me with bruises that Gerard would question and in turn would not be particularly happy about the existence of both the bruises and the perpetrator. In short, I would not like Skully and Gerard to ever come into acquaintance.

It seems odd that Skully has just stopped now, so I presumed he'd simply found someone far more amusing to torment than I was. He'd probably gone for some freshman with kind of fucked up hair and a questionable music taste - he had a type.

I probably should have felt just a little bit sorry for the Freshman in question, but right now that was the least of my priorities, because for one, I actually seemed to be growing up - it was kind of weird and the whole thing had just sprung up on me, because I was no longer Frank Iero, the kid who got picked on and had no friends, with the dead mum and fucked up dad, who spent all his time in the woods.

I was now Frank Iero, with an odd but generally lovable boyfriend, who he was best friends with the brother of, even if they both were assholes on more than the odd occasion, with my music teacher as my best friend and a kid with far too much eyeliner that was kind of annoying, but served as complacent company.

I was making a life for myself, and suddenly the lives of others seemed awfully irrelevant, and I would be a liar if I didn't say that this was all down to Gerard. And I would certainly be a romanticist if I said my whole life changed because of him.

Gerard was just inexplicably wonderful, and I was fucking flat out, head over heels in love with him, and it kind of bugged me how he hadn't said it back when I'd confessed this to him, I didn't doubt that he cared, of course, I- Just, perhaps I was just being overly superficial.

The thing is though, that Gerard had completely changed my outlook on life; he'd changed what mattered, and the way I thought and felt - not just about him, but everyone, and everything, and to say that Gerard was important was nothing short of an understatement.

It's apparent, that Gerard has also made me a bit of loser, but who the fuck cares, and it wasn't like I wasn't one prior anyways.

I had always been a loser; it was just that before I hadn't been quite so proud of it. Denial is a horrible, horrible thing, though. I guess I know that now, after living buried deep within it for so long, not just with my 'loser' personality, but with my sexuality, my mother, my father, Gerard, just fucking everything, man, I'm a wreck.

The only bad thing about Gerard, though, was the fact that he was so mind consuming and just so overwhelming interesting, so fucking interesting that he'd completely taken up the entirety of my attention, leaving me wandering astray and now the corridor I avoided like the plague, and for a good fucking reason.

My downright stupidity was perhaps something I was still in denial about.

I thought perhaps if I left quickly and silently that I wouldn't be noticed and that I could easily slip away without the need for further consequences, but no, they were alerted to any disturbance in their lair at all, and that was how I would assume I'd die.