Summertime (Frerard)

41: My Heart's Sinking, And Stuck In Deadly Rhythm

My head was an absolute mess as I ran out the house after my the wreck my boyfriend had left behind in us, Mikey still sobbing on the kitchen floor with hurried promises that he'd been fine and for me to go and stop his asshole of a brother from doing something even more stupid than usual before it was too late.

And reluctantly, I left him, I left Mikey like that despite every vein in my body telling me it was wrong, I just did, because of his asshole of a brother, and I couldn't help but hate how I could dismiss what was clearly hurting Mikey here; the underlying meaning to this all and the secret that gave me all the answers, and perhaps, if I had my sense with me, a secret it better I didn't know.

I guess I lied to myself, to my conscience, allowing myself to leave Mikey like this with the thought and the hope that his mother would come back from work eventually, because with the stubborn qualities that Gerard just couldn't help but persist with, I knew this was going to be far more complicated and difficult than just finding the asshole in the first place.

Which even on its own wasn't the easiest of tasks.

And the only clue I had was the name of a man I didn't know, and yet could do nothing but hate - Bert McCracken. Hell, I didn't even know where the hell this guy lived and how the hell Gerard would even go about getting there.

I ran down the street, thanking the lord and everything above that the Way family happened to residence at the end of a one way street, leaving there only one direction in which Gerard could have set off in, and with the arrogance he up held in his appearance and demeanour, I reckoned he wouldn't chance the embarrassment and questioning looks that running down the street brought him.

I however, couldn't care about anything besides finding Gerard, and finding him safe, and before he got back to Bert, because then I knew that things would be even harder, when someone was back Gerard up in his stubborn and almost childish behaviour.

And still, I just couldn't stop the sickening feel in the bottom of my stomach, screaming out that this was nothing more than my fault. I wondered if Gerard would even care enough to correct me at this point, because with the look he gave us as he left, I knew that it was nothing more than the look of someone who didn't care.

And that hurt.

But it wasn't important, not right now, not even my lack of breath was important as I sprinted down yet another street corner, my eyes scanning people and buildings ahead of and around me, only for all to be devoid of the one thing, the one person, I needed to see right now, and fuck.

This was hopeless, we were all fucked.

And that was how it always was from the beginning with Gerard, and I knew that, I never knew the details of how so but that never seemed to make itself prominent or matter at all. All that mattered, and has always mattered has been him, and I stopped myself from collapsing into a nearby bench and giving up, because if I was giving up here, I wasn't just giving up on myself and my boyfriend, I was giving up on Gerard, I was giving up on Mikey, and I was giving up on poor Mrs Way with two sons that both could have so easily been dead.

But I didn't keep running, I grabbed my cellphone, trying what seemed to be perhaps a stupid idea, but one I found myself desperate to try nonetheless, dialling an all too familiar contact and putting the device to my ear, biting my lip as I walked forward, drowning myself in the anxiety that dialling tones brought me.

My heart sank as it became evident that he wasn't going to pick up, and I guess I kind of knew that from the get go, it being Gerard after all - he made a point of making sure that things were never quite that easy, he was Gerard, after all.