EVERY BREATH

S I X

I wake up and grab my phone to check the time. It's 8:00 am. I run my eyes and dial James number to face time him. He doesn't answer so I face time Matt.

"What a beautiful thing to wake up to isn't it" he says and I laugh.

"Matt can you come over? please" I beg.

"I would beautiful, but I have practice... I'm free after?" He says.

"But I'm bored now" I whine.

"Sorry" he says.

"Alright then bye" I say and hang up. I was about to get up to eat breakfast but James calls.

"What's wrong?" He asks.

"You left" I say.

"I didn't mean to I had something to do and I didn't want to wake you" he says and I don't know why I get mad.

"It's fine. I have to go bye" I say and hang up. He attends to call me a few more times and I ignore the phone.
~~~
It's Monday so that means I'm at school. As I walk through the crowd of people down the hall I skim through it. I see Abby and matt so I go to them.

"Did you hear Danny aka stacks died" she says. "That's why none of them are here. The funeral was on Saturday" she says.

"I never toke you as the gossip type Abby. I'm surprised" I say.

"Lily, it isn't gossip it's a tragedy" she says.

"I know I feel terrible but I can't do anything" I say.

"How's ace holding up?" Matt asks.

"I don't know yet I saw him on Friday after it all happened and he didn't seem fine" I say.

"I know it's none of my business, but you should go look for him and be there for him. He lost a brother what he needs the most is you to help him cope with it" he says and I nod he's right.

"Okay, I got to go I'll see you guys later" I say and take a deep breath. They shake there heads and I walk towards the exit.

I go to my contacts and press on his. He answers emidiatly. "Hey, I'm sorry I didn't mean to make it seem like I used you and left. I promise I feel terrible I'm so sorry lily" he says.

"No it's okay" I say with a timid voice.

"No it's not and I feel terrible. What I did was an asshole move" he says.

"Can you pick me up?" I ask.

"I have to...yeah of course" he says.

"I'll be waiting outside of the school" I say.

"Okay I'm on my way babe" he says and I hang up.

About twenty minutes go by when I see James's car pull into the parking lot. When he parks it I stand up to walk to the car. When he sees me he gets out. We both walk towards each other. When I get in front of him he pulls me into his arms and then kisses me.

"I'm sorry" I say and begin to cry.

"For what baby? you didn't do anything" he says hugging me.

"I haven't been there for you" I say.

"I'm okay I can handle myself" he says.

"It's not fair though. I want to be there for you, but you don't let me in. You shut me out like everyone else" I say.

"I'm sorry I know but I don't know anything else besides keeping shit locked up. Lily I'm fucked up I'm not like everyone else" he says.

"I don't care. I want to be there for you. I want you no one else" I say.

"I just don't know what I'm supposed to do with all this pain and anger" he tells me punching the wall.

"Let it out, talk to me babe" I tell him pulling his arm and hugging him.

"He died because of me" he cries in my arms. I rub his back.

"You couldn't have of possibly known. I know it's hard James. I'm not going to tell you have to be strong because it's bullshit you're allowed to feel these emotions baby " I tell him. He grabs a fist of my shirt. I feel his tears rolling off of him and on to my neck.

"He was like a brother to me. He's the only one that I could talk to about anything" he cries to me. His voice is shakey and I can hear his pain.

"I know" I say and my voice cracks. He grabs me tight and cries.