EVERY BREATH

T H I R T Y - T W O

(This is Elle lively McBroom. She's Austin and Catherine's daughter from the Ace family.)

I'm sitting on the floor playing with Elijah. He's sitting on my lap and I have the blocks in my hand stacking them. His little head turns up to look at me and I smile at him. He stands up and grabs my face.

"You know I missed you a lot mommy. I was so scared to lose you. I wanted you to give me a night kiss but you weren't there. I looked for you all over the house. I screamed Marco but you didn't say Polo." He says breaking my heart but I smile trying to stay strong for him. "I like to see you smile, but mommy your eyes are so sad. I think I can fix it" he says and kisses my forehead. He hugs my as tight as his little arms can and I cry. I can't help but feel bad for what he went through. It hurts so much to think about everything. He pulls away and wipes some tears away.

"Baby, I'm so sorry I wasn't there. I wanted to have you with me but I couldn't. I promise that it wasn't because I wanted to leave. I was somewhere I didn't want to be and I missed you everyday so much. There are no words that can describe how sorry I am that I wasn't there for you when you needed me" I tell him crying and hugging him

"It's okay mommy I was good when you were gone. I just missed you so much. I wanted to hug you and play with you. I was so bored because mommy your my best friend" he says and I start crying again. How did I get so lucky? To be this sweet child's mom.

"Oh Elijah how did I get so lucky to be your mom? I love you so much" I tell him holding onto my baby.

"I love you too Mommy. I don't want you to cry anymore. I want to play and laugh with you like before" he says and I wipe my tears away. I give him a smile and he hugs me again.

"By the way, you're my best friend too baby" I tell him and he smiles. I tickle him and he giggles.

~
I slowly close Elijah's bedroom door and I hear Elle cry. I walk to her room and she's wide awake in her crib. I take her out and sit down on the rocking chair. She looks up at me and smiles.

"I missed you princess" I say lightly tickling her tummy. I cradle her in my arms. She plays with the laces on my sweater.

"I love you princess, I want you to be happy. I don't ever want you to feel the way mommy's feeling right now. I know that I can't protect you from everything but I promise I'll try my very best. I want you to be independent and confident. I want you to always smile and never let anyone bring you down. I want you to always feel safe around me. I want you and Elijah to be best friends. I want you to be proud of us, your family. I miss my family so much. I wish you could meet your grandma and grandpa they were so pure and wonderful. I know that if my parents were alive I wouldn't have you in my arms right now though. I would never change anything I'm my life because I have three people that I love so much" I tell Elle with tears in my eyes. I feel like the only thing I do is cry now but I can't help it. I feel so terrible. I look down and she's asleep. I put her in her bed and walk to my room. Alex is standing outside the room with tears in his eyes. He pulls me close and hugs me.

I look at Alex as tears fill my eyes. I keep thinking about the last week I was with Josh. He was a monster to me and I can't forget about it no matter how many times I try. He pulls me into a hug and it hurts to breathe through the giant not in my throat.

"I'll be here for you always. Don't forget that you are a strong and beautiful human being Lily. There is no possible reason to justify what happened to you but Lily just let out everything that you're feeling" he says rubbing my back and I just cry in his arms.

"I can't even explain it Alex. I want to forget about it all of it. I hate him. I can't seem to stop replying what he did in my head" I cry out holding him tight. My vision is blurry from all the tears.

"I know and I'm so sorry you went through that. I've got you now Lily I won't let anyone harm you again that's a promise" he says kissing my head and holding me tight.