Deep {COMPLETED}

s i x

Ian Walker

A week ago, if I would've died in the next few days, I would've been alright with it. This is because I had accomplished a good solid list of things, a list of goals I'd set out for myself.

1. Graduate high school X

2. Get into college X

3. Lose my virginity X

4. Kiss Riley Green X

There were few things that I wanted out of life, and I had gotten them. After I kissed Riley, I was a mess, and the world went into chaos. My list was complete and I should've felt at peace but instead there was a war in my head, and my actions reflected it.

The next night I'd gone back to the club, not sure what I was looking for, but I went in search of it anyways. When I'd gotten there, I'd intended to stare at the spot where I kissed her and try to remember exactly how it felt. Instead I stood still on the dance floor for ten minutes racking my brain, not being able to find even a trace of the memory, until I got drunk and went home with some girl I met. I don't even remember her name, I'm pretty sure I'd even moaned "Riley" at one point, which would explain why she'd kicked me out promptly the next morning.

I felt sick, literally sick, thinking about how I'd tried to get Riley out of my head the way I did. How could I compare any amount of great sex to the way it felt to kiss Riley Green. And then when I saw her again, she looked fine, she looked put together, like it hadn't affected her at all. I'm sure it hadn't.

She couldn't see me, but I was looking at her, I was glancing, trying to take her in. She wanted me to look, she always wanted someone to look. If only she knew what she was doing to me that very moment. When she came up to me after the session, she was just as cocky and confident as always, ordering me around and being her normal superior self. I was a nervous, anxious wreck, and she had made me like that.

When we'd spent the night on the roof of her building, drinking wine and looking at the stars, that was when I realized;

I wasn't just attracted to Riley, I wasn't just infatuated with her, and I didn't just like her, I loved her. I was in love with Riley Green, I am in love with Riley Green.

I am in love with Riley Green and that has to be the worst thing that could ever possibly happen to me. Of all the people I could fall in love with, my heart chose Riley Green, Riley Green who would inevitably break my heart. Riley Green who would never, ever love me back. Riley Green who I loved.

And so now I could never die peacefully, because I had added one more goal to my list.

1. Graduate high school X

2. Get into college X

3. Lose my virginity X

4. Kiss Riley Green X

5. Get Riley Green to fall in love with me

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GAH ik ik this chapter is really really short I'm sorry

But I have like zero imagination right now hElp ME THIS IS THE BEST I COULD DO

I'm trying

Okay that's all BYE!

-S ♡