Adjustment of Attitude

Part 11

"Tess."

My name floats from somewhere in the room. It seems to surround me all at once. I don't remember falling asleep after I drank the provided smoothie but I'm curled up on a large pillow. With an effort I stretch and try to find my bearings in the darkness. I've lost all sense of time.

"Tess." Garrett's voice rings out in the room again. 

"Yes, Sir?" I reply. My voice hoarse from a lack of use.

"Remove your blindfold."

My hands reach up and release the clasp on the mask. Light assaults my eyes. In front of me a large screen glows. The brightness burns my eyes and I pull my head down, slamming my eyes shut.  

"Take your time Tess. Give your body a moment to adjust." His voice coaxes from the rooms speakers. "There's no rush here, but it's time to walk out of the darkness."

A part of me smiles. The nerd in all of us loves symbolism, and this is no exception. It fills each rite, ritual and routine in our household with unpinned meanings, secret understandings and messages, easily missed by others. It makes our communication intimately formal when it can look openly casual. The oxymorons are not lost on any of us and keeps each member on their toes. 

With painful slowness, my eye adjust and I look up at the screen. Garrett's face feels larger than life. His eyes fill the room and draw my attention to him.  

"When you are ready to proceed, place yourself in the present position." His voice is soft but there's an edge of steel. 

I nod in quiet acknowledgement. 

"Is there a problem with your voice, girl?" The question hinted at an underlying agitation.  

"No Sir. I apologize for my carelessness." 

"I expect better of you. If you wouldn't let a charge of yours get away with such a lack of compliance why do you have the slightest belief I would allow you to do so?"

"Yes Sir."

Internally I chastise myself for the mistake and work to move my body into position. My body folds into a kneel down position. Soon my feet will be numb due to the lack of practice but it is my fault for not following through with my daily meditations. With a deliberate focus I straighten my spine and pull my shoulders back by forcing my shoulder blades down.  Inner commentary punctuates each step as my dominant side demands me to push to be even better. Hands lay on my knees and I allow the tip of my thumbs to gracefully meet the same place on the ring finger. My heart beats faster in anticipation. I slide my knees shoulder width apart, settle on my heels, as my hands rotate at the wrists until the palms face upward. Taking a deep breath, I let my sight float upward to meet Garrett's projected gaze.

"Very nice." His approving tone slams into me with an unexpected force. A thrill runs up my spine.  

"I know it is hard to move between parts of yourself but it is not an excuse for your lack of personal focus on the exercises I set before you. In this space, I take my own accountability and responsibility for not being there when you needed me to guide you back this quiet place. To force you from your Dominant space into one of respite. You are mine. It is my job to remind you of this and create the path as you do for others."

"Thank you Sir." I whisper. The weight of the world felt like it sluices from my shoulders and a calm, I'd forgotten in my daily struggle to balance so many things alone, descended.

"Here you will give me what is mine. This time is not for you but for me. Do you understand?" 

"Yes Sir." Anticipation rolled through my stomach. Between my legs I felt my excitement spring to life.