Connor’s POV
Connor felt this unexplainable urge inside of him.
He felt something. He definitely shouldn’t have-- but he did! And Samantha was the one to bring it out of him.
The real reason he had left early that morning, was because he wanted to learn more about humans and their emotions. Connor didn’t want to ask anyone; he didn’t want anyone getting suspicious, or getting thoughts that maybe-- just maybe, he was becoming a deviant. Because he wasn’t.
Machines are machines. Connor reminded himself. They do not feel, nor do they have the need to feel!
He knew he shouldn’t want to feel anything; but whenever he’s around Sam, he does. He wanted to understand love-- he wanted to know so bad that it almost hurt him!
But what ever it was that he may have been feeling; it couldn’t have been love.
A crush?? Is that what they call it? Maybe I can ask Hank later. Connor thought to himself, still thinking of a way to finish his sentence.
“Sam.. I don’t know how else to explain this without being blunt about it.”
His vision was slowly fading, but he ignored it. He knew it was Amanda; he just didn’t want to deal with her at the moment.
“I-I think..” Connor couldn't speak anymore, as Amanda sucked him out of reality. His eyes were still open; he could still see Samantha, and he also noticed Gavin walk in-- but he couldn't get out.
All at once, the outside world darkened around him, and all he was left with was three walls, and a passageway to Amanda; the one he entered to update about deviants.
The three walls were red, and the first one said; Kiss Samantha.
Why would he kiss Samantha?? That's what humans do.
The second one said; Tell her real feelings.
But he can't actually feel??? Isn't that what he was trying to do in the first place??
And the last one said; ..Become a deviant.
That's out of the question. He can't become deviant!.. That's crazy..
Connor looked at the second wall. Maybe if he broke through that one, he could finally understand what he was feeling; and maybe he could stay clean as well. The deviant wall might still stay up, so Amanda will have nothing to be angry about!
Connor thought this through, and decided it was worth doing.
He looked through the garden, and to Amanda, who was in the ‘fourth wall’ (which was technically open, and wasn't a wall.)
Amanda must have brought him here for a reason.
He looked back to the second wall, and ran towards it; smashing his fist against it multiple times.
He heard yelling on the outside, and stopped hitting the wall. It looked like the wall was about to crack, but he didn't feel it was the right time.
Connor forced himself out of trance, and seen Gavin about a foot away from Sam. Connor stepped in front of her, and held Gavin back.
He was so confused with everything that was happening.
Oh how badly he wanted to understand everything…
*~*~*
Sam’s POV
For the rest of the day, I was annoying Hank with my Connor impression, while Connor always seemed on edge.
I invited Connor over so I could wash his clothes, and he accepted hesitantly.
The car ride was silent, but comfortable.
“Are you okay, Connor? You've been a bit distant today…”
And if I'm being honest, it hurt. For some reason I have this craving; a hunger for him to like me.. To be proud of me; I always feel like I have to impress him. But now I feel like I've only driven him away..
“Yes, I am fine. I've just been thinking more lately.. It's nothing against you, Sam. I just…” His LED was flickering yellow as he looked down at his hands.
I looked back at the road once again, patiently waiting for him to finish.
“I just don't understand anything… It's.. It's making me… Feel--" He stopped himself, and I noticed him looking at me with wide eyes, then seen him looking back down.
Is he actually starting to feel??..
“No, not feel.. It's just confusing for me.” He fixed his words, and started playing with his hands. “How about we talk more about it when we get to your house?” He spoke extremely fast, and I almost didn't catch what he said, until my brain finally processed it.
“Okay. That's fine.” I smiled at him, and focused on the road again; eager to hear what he had to say.
*~*~*
We finally arrived, and I got changed into pajamas so I could wash my clothes, and his extra suit.
"So, do you want to talk about it..?" I asked carefully; gesturing for him to sit by me on the couch.
He sat, and folded his hands in his lap.
"I don't know where to begin..." Connor looked so confused..
I didn't say anything; I was silently hoping he would be able to get his thoughts together so he could spit it out.
He looked straight into my eyes, and all I could see was despair; it was like he was hopeless..
I rested my hand on top of his gently, and gave him a reassuring smile.
"It's alright. I won't tell."
A/N: I hope you are enjoying this story so far!!! Requests are always welcome!
You mind telling me how you feel about it so far? I would love some input, and maybe some ideas from someone else's point of view!
Also, because its so frickin cute, and it'll definitely make your day better:
You're welcome.
Much love ♡♡♡
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Just a MACHINE | Connor X OC / Reader Detroit: Become Human
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