together [lashton] ✔

twelve - 'we don't eat'

song for the chapter - we don't eat by james vincent mcmorrow

[tw:: a single mention of suicide, light death, nothing gory, and a bit of swearing in the beginning because when i wrote this i was really angry]

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'no wonder luke's parents didn't want him, fucking look at him.' luke let a tear fall from his eyes as he pushed past a few people who were talking shit about him.

'yeah, if he was my kid, i'd've gotten rid of him to'

luke walked through the hallway quicker than usual. he had just come from lunch and he had been taunted the entire time. right when he reached his breaking point, one person said the one thing he couldn't take. things about his mother. 

'i bet his mum didn't even have a heart attack, i bet she killed herself when she realized her son would-' luke didn't let him get the rest of that sentence out before spinning around and rushing towards the kid, punching him right in the face. both boys yelled out in pain, luke a bit more because damn, punching someone hurt just as much as getting punched. people around him cheered, he couldn't tell if it was for him or for the other kid.

'don't-don't talk about my mother, you ass-asshole.' luke felt pretty confident in himself, he had never stood up for himself in his life. however, in this moment of absolute happiness, the kid got up and swung at luke, hitting him right in the jaw. luke fell to the floor and clutched his jaw, trying not to let the tears that were filling in his eyes spill over. the kid towered over him and laughed before walking away, not even phased by luke's punch. 

luke stood up and walked to the bathroom, seeing his jaw was all red and had the tiniest cut on it. luke started crying because his jaw hurt, but also because of what they said about his mum. she didn't kill herself, she had a heart attack. right? luke closes his eyes, knowing he still remembers the day he found her lying on the floor, her body unmoving and her lips purple.

'mommy? i finished all of my chickens' luke squealed, referring to the chicken nuggets she had just given to him. he walked into the bathroom, seeing her putting on makeup. she looked tired. he thought she was very pretty. he hugged her leg and looked up at her, wanting a kiss. he puckered his lips and tried getting her attention by pulling her pant leg. she looked down at him and quickly pecked his lips before continuing with her makeup. luke loved his mommy.

'why are you putting on makeups?' luke asked, tilting his head slightly, confused. she sighed and looked down at him, one of her eyes full with eyeshadow and mascara and eyeliner while the other was still bare. she kneeled down to his height and looked into his baby blue eyes.

'mommy is going out tonight and someone is coming to watch you' luke made a pouty face, he hated when his mommy went out without him. he walked away, not wanting to see his mommy right now. he felt angry. very angry. he wanted to spend time with his mommy.

he heard a loud bang and ignored it because he was mad, but he didn't hear his mommy react to it. he got up and walked back to the bathroom, seeing his mommy lying on the floor, her eyes shut and her lips getting dark. he walked over and sat down next to her, playing with his hands.

'mommy, why are you napping on the floor? i thought you was going out tonight' luke tried to wake her up but she wouldn't get up. the doorbell rang and luke asked his mommy if he could answer it. she didn't answer. he walked to the door and opened it slowly, peaking his head around the door frame.

'hi, you must be luke. is your mommy home?' luke told her she was sleeping on the bathroom floor and her eyes widened. luke didn't know why she ran towards the bathroom and screamed, telling luke to sit in the living room while she talked on the phone with someone. she was crying.

luke's eyes opened quickly and he fell to the floor, his sobs making his body shake heavily. he felt his phone going off in his back pocket but he couldn't bring himself to take it out. he hated that memory and he had forced himself to remember it. he clawed at his arm roughly, watching as it left a red mark on his skin. eventually, he pulled out his phone and saw that school was out and that ashton was looking for him outside. had he really been in the bathroom for a whole class period? and no one came in and out? strange.

he walked out and saw the halls were empty except for a few stragglers who were still getting their stuff together. he walked out the front doors and found ashton waiting there for him. ashton noticed the tear stains on his cheeks and gave luke a look. he ignored it and started walking toward the bus. ashton followed.

'hey, are you alright. you weren't in the last block and i tried texting you.' luke sighed and stopped in his tracks. he turned to ashton and looked him up and down, examining him.

'some kids in the hallway were making fun of my mum' luke said darkly before continuing to walk. ashton noticed luke's slightly bruised hand and assumed he punched someone. good, ashton thought.

on the bus ride home luke got really quiet and fidgety. ashton knew this was luke's anxiety, ashton dealt with his own the same way. he gave luke a little room as to not make him uncomfortable, but made it so luke knew he was there when needed to be. they got off the bus and started walking toward the house when luke turned to ashton with actual fear in his eyes. luke was having a panic attack.

he and ashton calmly, but quickly, walked into the house and into luke's room without getting anyone's attention. luke sat down on the floor and started fiddling with his fingers. ashton sat in front of him and held out this hands to luke. one thing that helped luke's anxiety was tangable objects, something that he could feel to know he was okay. ashton always offered his hands for the boy to play with and this usually worked.

luke started crying and his breathing got heavier but he tried not to make a sound as he knew that if someone in the house heard him, they would take him to therapy and get him on meds he didn't want to take. they made him feel worse. ashton had always helped him with his anxiety and panic attacks and he knew meds would make no difference. ashton tried doing the 5-4-3-2-1 trick with luke once before, but between luke's anxiety and his heavy breathing, he couldn't calm down by doing it. so they resorted to simply trying to talk it out while luke played with ashton's hands.

'what's making you so anxious, baby?' luke calmed down enough to try and answer, 'kids-kids at school. they make-make fun of my mu-mum.' he let out, his cries being a little bit quieter. ashton sighed and rubbed the boy's hand with his thumb as he continued.

'how can i help make you feel a little bit better?' luke closed his eyes and tried to think of a way ashton could help. when he finally thought of it, he said, 'tell me you love me and you'll never leave me.' it would be cruel of ashton to tell him this. ashton almost started crying as he promised luke he would never leave, but at that moment all he could think about was making luke happy again, even if later he was going to break luke's heart.

[a little long, here comes the teardrops fellas]