Hard, but not impossible

Love of my life

I looked at the destroyed nursery and saw my distraught wife crying in the middle of the floor.

"Alexa."

"No! No He's gone!"

"We'll try again."

"How?! I can't I'm ruined I can't have kids!"

I rushed to her making her look at me.

"No! Don't say that there's nothing ruined about you we can just try to adopt."

She shook her head.

"I just want to lay down in our sons room before you get rid of everything forgetting about him like he didn't exist."

"Alexa I won't do that. We can keep this nursery up for as long as you want to." She nodded. I sat down beside her getting comfortable.

Alexa has wanted this child ever since she started working at the pediatric hospital. She's always around kids so it was inevitable that she'd want one.

Out of our 3 years of being married this was the one thing she wanted the most the one thing that I couldn't give her.

With the busy hours at my art store and the book clubs with our friends I feel as though we weren't ready for a child and this experience will forever scar my beautiful wife.

It was almost like it was yesterday when she was asking no begging me for a child, there was so much light in her eyes.

Flashback

I was in the middle of reading a book we had selected for our lesbian book club because Alexa was rushing me to finish it so that we could both be ahead of Linda and Ashley the star couple of the club. Linda and Alexa are always low key competing with each other on everything.

Alexa ran in the room and she jumped on the bed making me look up from my book. She was still in her doctor get up meaning she just came from work, she'd usually come in and take a shower so this means that whatever she had to tell was important.

"Hey babe."

"I want a baby." I stopped and closed my book sitting it down.

"What now?"

"I think we're ready to have a baby, i want one. But i want to be pregnant with our child so I did research and there's two options, we can use a guy we know and I have sex with him and yeah you know or we could find a sperm donor and a doctor would insert the sperm in me but that option cost money because most of the donors like for their identity to be secret and it's done through an agency." I nodded slowly processing everything.

"Obviously were gonna go with option two if I were to say yes because your not gonna have sex with anyone but me." she laughed.

I studied her face still thinking.

"You really put a lot of thought into this." She nodded smiling.

"And what about work? You can't be a full time doctor and be pregnant."

"I know I'll take my leave of absence until the baby is old enough to go to daycare then I'll get back into it." I nodded.

"So?" She asked.

I looked into her eyes and saw determination.

"Let's have a baby." She squealed hugging me and kissing me.

Having a baby will be a lot of work and responsibility but I can't think of anyone else I would want to do it with and I'm not gonna lie thinking about starting a family with her is making me very excited about doing this.

"Oh my god Jessica were gonna have a baby!!!" She got on the bed jumping up and down.

"We're gonna have a baby! Ahhhhhh!" I laughed and joined her jumping and dancing and singing.

Flashback over

"How is she?" Alexa's father asked.

I placed the phone down so that he could see my face.

"She's terrible we lost a child and it's killing her." He sighed pinching his nose.

"I wish I was there, maybe I'll fly down next week."

"I think that would be great. Because I can't get her out of the nursery let alone get her to eat."

He shook his head.

"What happened?"

"They said there's something wrong with her uterus, there was too much pressure on it, It was her or the baby and I chose her." He nodded.

"I would've done the same thing if I was put in your predicament."

Hearing him say that made me feel better because I couldn't help feeling like Alexa blamed me for not choosing the baby. but what was I suppose to do? Let her die? NO hell no. We could always adopt and I couldn't lose her.

"They said she's unable to have kids."

"My goodness."

I filled out some papers for the doctor to see while I was on the phone with him, she still needed to stay healthy although she thought life was meaningless. 

"I've been working from home keeping an eye on her." He nodded.

"And how are you? You lost a child also."

"I'm fine I just wish there is something I can do to help her." I said.

"Me too." It got silence.

"Well call me if you need anything and I mean anything."

"Okay."

He hung up and I went back to filling out paperwork.

"Who was that?"

I looked up and saw Alexa swaddled up in a blanket.

"Good morning babe. I made you breakfast."

She looked at the plate.

"Who were you on the phone with?"

"I'll tell you if you eat." She let out a dry chuckle.

"Fine." I watched her walk to the table and take a seat from across me.

"Your father, he wanted to know how you were doing."

"And what did you say."

"Your holding up as well as anyone in our position would be." She nodded taking small bites of the food. I looked into her red puffy and tired eyes.

She was in pain and so was I.

Thoughts?

Was it how you imagined? So this is what you've been waiting for i hope you enjoyed.

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