heart eyes

unconditionally

oh look a happy one !!

i love the idea of being a put together, happy, well-rested, calm and together person, but in reality it's just not realistic. no one really gets eight hours of sleep, or eats three balanced meals a day, or loves themselves unconditionally, or is always secure in their relationships with others. right?

i wish i could be all that. i wish i didn't worry about my crush liking the other girl instead, the one that's prettier and cooler than me, the one that likes him too. i wish i didn't worry about my grades so much when they're good. i wish i would put my phone down and stop looking at memes so that i could get more than five hours during the school year. i wish i could stop doubting myself and my appearance and my personality and looks and myself overall but i can't and that's honestly okay, because i'm
not alone in it. and that helps.

i'm not the only one who gets jealous. i'm not the only one who is insecure. i'm not the only one who loses sleep over small things, or the only one who likes people who don't like them back. i'm not the only person worried about coming out to my family, or who takes on more than she can handle, or who feels sick when she gets nervous. i'm not the only one who does these things. i'm not perfect, but neither is anyone else. because to somebody else, i'm the prettier, cooler girl who their crush likes, and i'm a mess. i have problems, but i'll deal with them as they come.

here's a confession: i'm 14. i'll be 15 next month. i have not faced a quarter of the problems i'll be hit with in my lifetime, and although having that information is scary, it's the truth, and like all other things, i will face it.

because i am stronger than i believe myself to be. i deserve to be happy. i deserve to kiss that guy i want to kiss so badly because holy shit he's dreamy and i can't stop thinking about him. i deserve to have my own space and gossip with my best friends about things that don't even matter. i deserve to vent about my problems, because when you're younger, tiny things can be so scary. i deserve to be open about myself, not hiding my sexuality or the fact that i see a therapist or the fact that i don't like guacamole. i deserve to spend time with my cats, and my friends, and i deserve to spend money on stupid things and to make stupid mistakes because i'm a stupid teenager and that's what i'll do.

i deserve to be myself, unconditionally.