heart eyes

silence

i used to hate the silence. the way it surrounded me, engulfed me in the absolute nothingness, scared me. i made noise to make up for it. i screamed. i shouted. i cried. anything to keep the silence from getting me.

i wish i'd appreciated the silence back then. lately it's like my mind forgot how to whisper, and now all it can do is scream. loud thoughts. loud feelings. i can't control it anymore. i could get rid of the silence with noise, but the loudness doesn't go away with silence. it only gets worse.

if i could go back to the way it was when i was never alone, always accompanied by talking or music, i would. now there is only noise, all the time, and i can't make it stop.

i wish i'd let the silence catch me.