heart eyes

a life in color

wallflower_r
word count: 369
title: a life in color

write about the sound, the color, the smell, of loneliness

_______________

i've known for a while that i'm lonely. it's not so much a feeling as it is something i have to admit to myself, and nobody wants to do that. nobody wants to say that they're alone. that although they have people there for them, they're not the people that matter. i find that i notice it most after i miss something that's been gone for too long, and when i finally understand that it's not coming back.

there are certain specific things i miss the most. the smell of his coat after he'd come home from working at the library. he smelled like maple and old books. he loved to read, and for a while, i did too. now picking up the books we shared feels like a punch in the gut. the loneliness creeps in through glued spines and numbered pages until i don't feel anything at all except numb.

i miss the sound of him. nothing in particular, i just miss his noise. the sound of him moving around on the bedsheets in the middle of the night. yawning and stretching in the morning. i miss coming home from work and hearing the shower running, knowing that even though everyone else might be gone, he was there.

he used to cook. i miss the sound of the stove beeping, and hearing him flip the pancakes perfectly, like he always did. all the little sounds, gone, add up to the loudest silence i've ever heard.

i know it's not technically true that the colors of my world changed when i met him, but who's to say what's true and what's false? everyday with him was bright, a vibrant rainbow that i couldn't see the end of. but it was there. he is gone, and the days are bleak and dreary. there are no more bright, vibrant days. there are only gray mornings and black nights. i miss when my life was colorful. if he'd never painted my world maybe i wouldn't notice how dark it is now.

but that's the thing; you can't go back to a world of gray after you've lived a life in color.