Fight or Flight? [Book 2] ON GOING

1

Yasmine Bernice Monteverde

A name that is well familiar to people.

Mailalarawan ako ng mga tao bilang isang sikat, maganda at matagumpay na aktres, nagmula sa prominenteng Pamilya dito sa bansa, at iniidulo ng karamihan kaya kung isusumite ay masasabing nasa sa akin na ang lahat.

I laugh every damn time I hear that.

But they don't know that I am paranoid, a trait I hope will leave me. I am clumsy, I drop glasses and get drunk on Monday afternoons. I have a habit of messing up everything that I love, I blame the world when something goes wrong, I lie a lot, I have major trust issues, I had hurt people... even people that I love... I admit that I am obnoxious but not delusional enough to wish to be perfect.

I am broken by my past. Damaged.

Kung anong meron ako ngayon ay hindi ko nakuha ng ganoon lamang kadali. If it was easy, then it wouldn't be that worth it. I've been through a lot and they don't know that... they don't have to.

'Hey, Hey, Hey! Good afternoon mga kashort time! Ito pong muli ay si Dj Girlie ang bubuo ng inyong hapon!' Saad ng babaeng DJ mula sa radyo, 'Alam niyo ba mga ka-Short time, kaninang naglalakad ako papasok dito sa studio ay may narining 'tong mga tenga ko. Eh surprisingly, napaisip ako sa tanong na narinig ko.... kaya idadamay ko rin kayo.' I leaned my back on my chair and listen idly.

'What is your purpose in life? ...' dahan dahan na bigkas ng Radio Dj.

Hmm, that question surprisingly strikes me.

If I joined a pageant and they asked me this, there's a chance that I will choke. I am not going to start it by helping the homeless children, end the hunger blah blah blah... Hindi ko talaga alam kung ano nga ba?

What is really my purpose in life?

Do something Holy perhaps? Should I wait like what others may say as your calling? Spiritual awakening type of thing.

Make the world a better place? Pero san ako magsisimula? There's a lot of mess in this world. I'm not even fit for a superhero role in movies. I'm your typical I-don't-care-about-you neighbor.

Grabeng tanong iyan, kung saan tuloy napunta ang isipan ko. But if you think of it, I am in now in my late twenties with only one plan in my head. Be rich. My friends already figured out their lives by marrying and starting a family.

As for me? I feel left out.

I feel like I am living aimlessly. Making choices without putting any thought on it. Mapapatanong na lang ako sa sarili ko kung bakit ko hinayaan na dumaloy lang oras ko bawat segundo.

"Miss Yassy, pinapatawag na po kayo sa loob." May lumapit sa akin na staff. Sumulyap lang ako at sumunod na sa kanya. Pumasok ako sa loob ng kwarto ng gulo ang isipan. Umupo ako sa tanging upuan na may apat na metro ang layo mula sa kinauupuan ng mga kilalang tao sa likod ng bawat pelikula aka  director, Producer,  etc.