i'll be good | e.d

one

song for book: i'll be good-jaymes young

For all the bruises i've caused and the tears
For all the things i've done all these years

I never meant to start a fire
I never meant to make you bleed
I'll be a better man today
i'll be good

-

don't blink. life changes that quickly. you don't know when, how, or why, and you may never find out. it could be for the good, or for the bad. it could open your eyes, or make you want to never open them again. the point is that it happens without our control. people are allowed to change without your consent. it's a part of life, nobody is the same forever. unless of course this change is life threatening. in that case it's our job to protect and help the ones we love. but what if it was your own life being threatened everyday by the person you'd give every ounce of love inside you to. what if this person suddenly went from your dream to your fear in a matter of seconds.

"hello?" i picked up my phone to hear ethan's crying voice on the other end of the line.

"t-tatum." he was broken, and i didn't know why.

"ethan!? are you okay what is it?" my voice was frantic.

"it's grayson. he-he just-" his sobs overtook his voice.

"what happened to grayson?!" i yelled.

no response.

"ETHAN WHAT THE FUCK HAPPEN-"

"he jumped."

my voice stopped in it's tracks as the painful words came out of his mouth. i quickly dropped the phone and fell to the floor, sobbing. grayson was my rock, and ethan's. he helped us through the rough times ethan and i would have. he was the glue to us. grayson was the one who kept our hearts together all these years. but he's always had self doubt and depression. he's struggled with it since i met him. no matter what i did to help him, he still wasn't completely happy. i just never thought it would come to this. i never thought he would leave me this fast.

after sitting against the kitchen counter with my head in my knees trying to breathe, the front door to the kitchen burst open. his eyes, they were fearful and different.

"ethan i- i'm so sorry." i tried to calm him down by rubbing his back as he slammed his fists onto the granite countertop. tears ran down my cheeks as fear arose in my body.

"sorry?! you expect me to except that when my life has gone to complete shit?!" he raised his voice as he turned his stern eyes to look deeply into mine. confusion appearing on my face.

"your life hasn't gone to shit, eth-" i put my hand on his, rubbing my thumb on his knuckle hoping it would soothe his harsh tone.

"don't fucking touch me." he quickly swiped his hand away from mine.

"ethan why are you doing this? i'm here for you, let me he-"

"i don't need your sappy ass words, okay? they mean nothing anymore.
absolutely nothing." he glared at me with no love in his eyes. it was like the spark that we've always felt for each other had burnt out within seconds.

"ethan i promise you we'll get through this. i know you miss him, i miss him too. like fucking hell. it's hard to believe this is happening." i looked down, trying not to cry more than i already had.

"fuck this. fuck it all. i don't need you. i don't need grayson. i never needed him. he needed me and now he's fucking gone." his face was emotionless.

"ethan i-i" i struggled to finish my sentence as i was in disbelief of what he was telling me.

"you what? you need me? too fucking bad, princess." he scoffed as he walked to the living room, shoving past me.

"are you saying you don't want us anymore?" my voice cracked as my tear stained cheeks became hotter.

"is that what i said?" he had a sarcastic tone.

"so you do love me?" my tears began to dry at the thought of ethan still loving me after all that's happened today.

"under a few conditions."

"what? what fucking conditions? what about the way things used to be?"

"you really think i still want that?" he chuckled as if love was pathetic, that's when my heart shattered.

"you did a few hours ago. you actually cared about me, now suddenly you don't and it's confusing the hell out of me..." my voice trailed off.

"i told you i don't need that sappy love shit anymore. it's pathetic. i want things to be different." he smirked.

he really did think love was pathetic. i was in love with an asshole.

"what do you mean different?" fear grew once again in my body.

"i told grayson not to fucking kill himself and he did. so i want you to do what i say, when i say to do it. and be where i want you to be, when i say to be there. grayson's not here anymore for you. it's just me now. disobey me and you'll have absolutely nobody. i'll fucking leave too." his face was furious as he held my gaze.

not a single world was able to escape my mouth. i wanted to say 'fuck no!', but i just couldn't. i couldn't lose him.

"got it?"

"got it."

-

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