i'll be good | e.d

seven

"that's why he was the worker at the theme park." he whispered it to himself, but i heard every word.

"what did you just say?"

"i had a dream about it. you were there. well it was kind of a dream, but the memory was real."

"what was it about?" again, i already knew the answer to this question. we had the same dream.

"our one year. i took you to a theme park. we went on a roller coaster called-"

"life." we said it at the same time.

ethan had a shocked expression on his face as the conversation continued.

"how did yo-"

"i had it too, ethan."

"well how the fuck did that happen? i can guarantee that's not what it was called, and grayson never worked there. i never talked to the worker before we went on the ride either. why would we have that exact same dream on the same night? this whole thing is confusing as hell." he finally looked back to the road.

"don't you understand?" i furrowed my eyebrows.

"does it sound like i do?" his normal attitude was back.

"grayson is trying to tell us something, ethan."

"tell us what? that we used to be a thing and that's over now? that i used to love you and i don't feel the same anymore? he's just reminding me of the worst times in my life and i can't stand it." those words cut through me like knives. no, not knives. sharper.

"how can you say that to my face.." my voice got quiet and i began to tear up.

"don't fucking do this. not now." he scoffed as he stared down the road.

"do what, ethan? have feelings? oh i forgot that you don't fucking have any, douchebag." the words slipped out of my mouth before i could think. it was shocking. grayson didn't tell me to, i just did. in a way i was proud of myself.

"you want to know why i don't have feelings, tatum?" he glared at me with those eyes that shot through my soul.

"i'd love to actually!" we were yelling now.

"cause i don't fucking love you, that's why! you mean nothing to me anymore, can't you just understand that?"

i backed off, there was nothing else i could say. i thought ethan at least cared for me enough to not fully hate me. what confused me even more was what he said when we got back in the car:

"well you're acting less aggressive! it's like you don't want to hurt me anymore! also you're hearing fucking voices-"

"maybe i don't." he put his eyes back on the road

i guess the "maybe i don't" meant nothing. the four years of pure love and affection we went through are over, and i'll never get them back. i don't even think grayson can save this love story. i've lost all hope in ethan. he said it himself at the sunrise, he'll just never be the way he used to and i need to accept that.

we finally got home after driving in silence for too long. it was dark by the time we got back. ethan went straight to his room, so i made dinner for myself. making sure not to leave shit for him. it wasn't too long before he came back down in his leather jacket, blacked ripped jeans and had his hair done.

"i'm going out. don't go in my room, and do the rest of the laundry that's downstairs." he grabbed his motorcycle helmet off the table.

"where are y-" before i could finish asking, he was slamming the door and gone.

where the fuck did he suddenly need to go? we don't hang out with anyone anymore, everyone's in college except us.

i decided to kill time by watching old videos. ethan would never let me airplay them on the tv if he were here. he couldn't handle it. they were all just short clips of the boys and i at random places doing dumb shit. they were hilarious, i enjoyed watching them over and over again. i came across one that i haven't seen in a while. the three of us were at the twins' old house in new jersey, before we moved out to L.A.

video:

*grayson's filming*

"why are you recording?" i asked.

"you're gonna have to wait and find out!" grayson chuckled.

we were in high school, holy shit.

"stand right here, baby." ethan made me stand in front of him, i remember being nervous as hell. we were new to being together at this point in time.

"ethan what are y-."

"shh." he put his finger on my lips

"here, put this on." he handed me a bandana to tie around my eyes.

"ethan i cant see shit, what are you doing?"

"hold on, you'll see." he chuckled then ran back into the garage to get something.

"ready for your surprise yet?" grayson asked me.

"no! i'm scared!"

" i have a feeling your gonna be pretty happy after this."

"okay, take off your blindfold." ethan walked back out of the garage.

he stood a few feet in front of me, holding a sign asking me to prom. my family was standing around me in their driveway. i immediately said yes as ethan engulfed me in a hug and kissed me passionately.

"i love you so much."

" i love you more, tatum."
-
the more i thought about the video the more it seemed cheesy as shit, but it still hurts. the rest of the videos made me cry from hearing grayson's voice in general. i eventually lost track of time and remembered ethan hasn't been home in a few hours. before i could think twice about where he was, i saw headlights through the windows and heard his motorcycle pull in. there's a voice outside along with ethan's that doesn't sound familiar.

i hear the door unlock and turn around to see ethan, hammered. along with a drunk girl falling at his feet.

-

fucking ethan...

(the ending refers to the manip at the top of ethan at a party)

45 votes for next chapter