i'll be good | e.d

five

| TATUM'S POV |

again. been here before. ethan took me here for our one year. it was a theme park. i looked around at everything i've seen before, still so magical.

"there's the biggest one! let's go!" ethan pointed to a terrifying roller coaster.

"i don't know e, i'm not really-"

"i promise, you'll be just fine. i'll protect you if you get scared." he smiled at me while cupping my face.

"okay." i smiled back as we ran off to get in line.

i remember every single feeling i had that night. the fear, the love, all the butterflies. everything seemed so real again. i could feel him squeeze my hand tighter and tighter as we moved through the line.

"nervous?" he looked at me with those hazel eyes that used to be filled with joy.

"i'm fucking terrified." i rested my head in the crook of his neck, i smelt the cologne i haven't had the pleasure of smelling in too long.

"don't be. i'm here for you, always."

i believed it then. little did i know those were just words.

we finally stepped into our seats as the workers came around to adjust our safety belts and bars.

ethan could tell i was nervous, so he got the attention of one of the male workers to ask him a question. the worker wouldn't turn around so i couldn't get a clear view of his face. this part however, i don't remember.

"excuse me sir, is this one really scary?" ethan gripped my hand.

"this one gets a little wild, you better hang onto her." the worker was serious as he spoke.

"what's this one called again?" i asked

"life."

-

i nearly screamed when i woke up. i remember that whole night, except for the worker talking to us. i mean seriously, a roller coaster called "life"? and he wanted ethan to hang onto me?

| ETHAN'S POV |

i jumped up from my dream, sweating. i couldn't decide my feelings. i felt happy and in love, but so angry at the same time. i hated it. the worker looked too familiar not to be grayson. why else would he have told me to hang onto her? i need to stop having these dreams. they are turning into memories with tatum that i want to forget. all the shit i said just disgusts me. i cant go back to the way things were, i don't feel that anymore. i want to see grayson, that's it.

i needed to clear my head so i decided to go on a run for a while. by a while i meant hours. i ran anywhere i could, and didn't stop. i finally got to the peak of a hill and sat to watch the sunrise. i used to watch them pretty much every morning with grayson when we went on morning runs. this is my first one without him. it just doesn't have the beauty it used to. i wanted to cry or scream, but i couldn't. i just wanted to see his face again, but i couldn't. i wanted to hug him and tell him i'm sorry for changing who i am. but i could never.

| TATUM'S POV |

i woke up to ethan nowhere to be found. i was relieved yet concerned. usually he'd leave a note or send me a text saying "the house better be clean when i get back", but i got nothing. if he was going to reach out to me, i was reaching out to him.

to: ethan

8:39 a.m.
me: you at the store?

he usually responds fast. either telling me to mind my own business or threatening me.

9:47 a.m.
me: ethan?

still no response. i'm worried. i cant lose him like i lost grayson.

i get my keys off the counter and drive everywhere and anywhere. grayson's favorite store, the lake we used to go to, everywhere i could think of that somehow related to grayson.

i drove for around an hour and finally parked, stumped. where the fuck did this kid go. the sun was blinding me through my window. i pulled up to a shady spot when it finally crossed my mind. the fucking sunrise. they used to watch it everyday.

i knew exactly where i was going. the three of us came here all the time. i finally drove up over the hill, there he was. he sat in the grass staring at the sun that had risen hours ago.

"ethan?" i got out of my car and started walking to him.

"what did i tell you about invading m-" he looked back at me with glossy eyes.

"i don't care, ethan! do you have any idea how worried i was?!" i sat next to him.

"why were you so worried, i'm fine." his voice was quiet.

"no you're not, stop lying to me."

"i'm not ly-"

"yes you are, don't fucking deny it." i snapped this time.

"fine. i'm not okay. but i never will be again so what's the point in trying to put things back together?"

"ethan i-"

"exactly, there isn't one."

i looked down, unsure of what to say.

"stop trying to change me, it won't work." he glared at me then got up and walked towards my car.

little did he know, i wasn't the one trying to change things.

-

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