skin and bones | min yoongi | *HIATUS*

12« the definition of blame

"So, I realized I don't really know much about you," I declared on the ride back to Yoongi's house. My measly nine boxes had miraculously fit into Seokjin's truck, and with the help of Yoongi's cold humor, my mood had improved if even in the slightest.
"There isn't much to know," Yoongi replied coolly.
"That's not true." I argued. "There's a whole twenty-something year-long story in that handsome head. You've gotta give me something."
"I swear I'd bore you, Daniella."
"If we're going to live together then we can't be strangers, Yoongi."
"I'd hope after everything that's happened between us, you don't still consider me a stranger."
I shut up and turned my head away abruptly, attempting to cover the sudden redness in my cheeks. It was impossible to deny him after all the intimate moments we'd shared in such a short timespan.
"I saw that," Yoongi chuckled with a triumphant side eye in the rear view mirror, only causing me to blush harder. "I'll give you something for free since you're so damn cute. "
"Hey, I-"
"Do you wanna get to know me or not?"
I sighed and let him proceed, but not without smiling to myself.
"Alright, so, this is kinda embarrassing, but..." Yoongi smirked, pausing for dramatic effect.
"Just say it."
"Don't laugh, but...before Jeongguk got sick, I was an aspiring rapper."
An amused smile slipped onto my lips. "A rapper?"
"I said not to laugh!"
"I'm not laughing, just reacting!"
I tried my best to hold it in, but I had to admit it was a little silly. I couldn't see Yoongi up on a stage, pressing a mic as close as possible to his lips as he ranted about drugs and pussy and pretended to be "woke." But certainly that couldn't have been the case.
"So...what kind of stuff did you rap about?" I inquired, following up the disorganized questions tossing around my head. "I'm asking honestly."
"Just...feelings, I guess?" He replied.
"Do you have any of your old songs saved anywhere?"
"Maybe. You'd have to ask Jeongguk; I gave him my old laptop."
I smiled satisfactorily. "I'll make sure to do that."
"So what about you, Miss Stubborn? What would you be doing if Sam had never gotten sick?"
I sighed. I already knew the answer to the question.
"I'd be in New York, at Columbia. I wanted to be a writer."
"Yeah? That suits you."
"Well, it backfired, big time. My mom saved up every single penny to send me to that school. As fate would have it, the summer before I left, Sam got sick, and every bit of it went down the drain. Mom tried to make money to cover everything, working three jobs and staying up in the ungodly hours of the night. But in the end, she had a horrible anxiety attack, and the next day she was gone. She wasn't even there when he died. For all she knows, he's still alive."
For some reason, it wasn't hard telling him that story. I had always held back with Jimin, but somehow, Yoongi made it easy as breathing to open up. My voice never once quivered; in fact, I felt braver than I had in a long while.
Yoongi's eyes widened in the rearview mirror, his brows furrowing. It struck me then that he would only pity me, like I'd feared Jimin would. Contrarily, his voice hardly changed from its usual casual tone.
"Do you hate her?"
"You're really asking the hard questions, aren't you?" I snapped, but bit my lip.
How did I feel about my mother?
I remembered everything so vividly— how quiet the house was, finding the envelope full of cash, and the tear-stained letter explaining why she did it.
She abandoned us. She practically left Sam for dead. In what universe would I not be furious?
But that didn't mean I hated her..
My mother forced me to grow up, but that was the reason I tried so hard. The reason I refused to give up on Sam. If she hadn't been so quick to leave....it probably would've been me.
She taught me what it was to truly love someone, even if in an unorthodox way.

"I can't hate somebody for being weak." I finally uttered, the words seeming to fit. "That's like hating a baby horse that can't stand yet. It's not her fault that she isn't as strong as me; she hurts in a different way than I do."
"Unbelievable," Yoongi scoffed, shaking his head in mock amusement. "I could never forgive my mother for something like that. Jeongguk is the most important thing in the world; if my own mother abandoned him..."
He trailed off, lost in thought. In the foreboding silence, I wondered where his mother was.
"You're just so forgiving," he finally finished, on a lighter tone than expected. "Our lives are so similar, but they've formed us two in completely different ways."
I tsked in disagreement, tilting my head at Yoongi. "Thanks, but our lives aren't that similar. You still have a whole family."
"Yeah, but that's why it's so weird that you're the forgiving one."
"I know loss, Yoongi. I know what it does to you."
He tilted his head, eyebrows furrowed in sympathy. He spoke quietly and sincerely. "Point taken. You win this one."
It seemed we'd lost sight of the task at hand, for who knew how long we'd sat parked on the curb next to Yoongi's house. We realized almost simultaneously, giggling a little, and then a little harder when we looked at each other. When the weight of your shoulders was so unbelievably heavy, everything that wasn't sad somehow became funny.
"Let's head in," he said, "I bet Gguk is wondering what's taken us so long."
Perhaps it was the kind smile he flashed before opening the door, but something prompted me to reach for his hand and keep him here a moment longer.
"Yoongi..."
"Hm?" The amusement fell from his face and was once again replaced with his expressionless, stony look. He was so impossible to read.
But I had to say something. Slowly but surely, he was healing me. And part of me thought I was healing him too."
"Thank you. For today."
"Yeah. You too."
I didn't need to ask what he was thanking me for. I just let his hand slip from mine.

As we stepped inside the house, my eyes scouted the halls, the absence of light and noise worrying me. It was almost too quiet.
"Yoongi, where's Jeongguk?"

~~~

{a/n} HEY DUDE! If you're an OG, you know it's been a hot minute since I've updated this story. IM SO SORRY but don't worry! I haven't abandoned it! And I know how frustrating it is waiting on a book to be finished :((( it's just really hard in school and stuff and when I have time I do try to write so I'm doing my best I just appreciate your patience and thanks so much for all you do. Lemme know what you think of the new chapter; I think Dani and Yoongi's relationship has developed really well :)