On the way back cameron was recording me for his vlog and asking me questions about what happened at the Hilton and of coarse because it was a vlog I had to keep it "PG" (ie. I couldn't tell people what really happened)
"So how long have you loved shawn for?" Cameron asked with a smirk on his face. I didn't reply but I just laughed and stared at him.
"Classified information" I reply
Once we get back we have dinner. after dinner we go and get changed into jammies and I get a text through from cameron stating:
"You should text or FaceTime shawn now?!"
"I should but what do you say to a boy that you have liked for 6/7 months and that hasn't replied back to you once?" I reply.
"A friendly "hey" or a "Yo" is a good place to start."
I type then retype the message about 6 times. I finally settled with
"Hey shawn I know we haven't talked in a couple of months but I feel that it would be good if we could have a catch up." It sent almost immediately. I stared at the screen for about 10 minutes before launching it off the wall.
"He's never going to message me what's the point in trying anymore" I yell but then instantly regret it as everybody Is sleeping. why did I ever let him get to me? why did I ever let cameron talk me in to messaging shawn! GOD I'm so stupid! totally oblivious to what I was about to do I run down stairs and go into the drawer and pull out a knife I looked at it for a bit before holding it to my arm and slowly edging it closer and closer to my skin. by this point I couldn't see what I was doing from the amount of tears that were building up in my tear ducts. I heard footsteps but totally ignored it. I put more strength into it, feeling the sharp cold blade against my warm skin. I dropped the knife in a sudden moment of realisation and fell to the ground. somebody managed to catch me before I hit the ground...what just happened?
