Got7- Markson Grief

Blackness

I was in my room thinking about what happened between Jackson and I a few days ago. How could I think he meant anything by the kiss? Of course he didn't. Ever since he told me he didn't, my inner thoughts got worse. What would my grandmother think about me now? 

I reached into my box under my bed and grabbed my razor from the bottom of it and put it back. I didn't do this often, but I have been doing it more so since the kiss. I couldn't handle my own thoughts yelling at me and it made it go away.

Pathetic.

One cut on my thigh.

Who would love you?

Another cut

How could you possibly think he cared

2 cuts.

He just wanted to shut you up.

3 cuts.

Annoying.

Another.

No wonder your grandmother left you.

I cut a few times. Then a few more. Each time, the voice getting smaller and smaller till it was gone. I saw the blood running down my leg and felt the pain of each cut, but if it got rid of the voice, I didn't care. 

I kept going, afraid it was going to come back if I stopped. It wasn't until I saw a drop of water land on my leg that I realized that I was crying.

I cut myself hard that time. Weak. Can't even hurt yourself without crying and breaking down.

"Mark!" I looked up and saw Jaebum standing in my doorway.

"Jaebum..." I said weakly as he ran to my bed and pulled the razor out of my hand. I didn't have enough strength to fight him. I saw him grab a towel that was probably dirty and put it on my leg.

"How could you do this to yourself?!!" 

"It hurts..." I said, "The voices... all of it..."

"Hey, we'll help you... you should've told us sooner."

"I'm not weak..."

"We know that, but asking for help doesn't prove your weak, but the opposite."

"It does?" I asked as I looked up at him through my blurry vision.

"Yes," He said and I felt myself become heavy and I lied down onto my bed. "Mark..."

"So tired..." I said, feeling fatigue take over my body."

"No, Mark, stay awake, we will get you to a hospital..."

"Jaebum... Thank... you..." I said as I slipped into the ever so comforting blackness.

"Mark!! Mar-"