numb // malec

stay?

wednesday, 29th september, 00:46:
alec:

i've been crying in the arms of someone who i don't even know for the past twenty odd minutes.
and i've poured out literally everything.

i finally muster up enough strength to stop my sobs for a few minutes.
"well that's enough crying from me. what about you? why are you always sitting around here on your own?"
it takes a moment for magnus to reply. he clears his throat.
"i used to always go out. i used to love parties. all the hot guys and girls i'd see at them. it used to be that i'd have a new person back at my apartment almost every week. but then i realised that that actually made me lonelier than i was. i wasn't falling in love with anyone, i wasn't having any actual relationships. i suppose it's because of how manipulative my last ex was. i seem to have a sort of fear of commitment and relationships now because of her. i realised that running around with lots of people wasn't going to help that issue. so i stopped going to parties and things at all. i stopped properly loving. and i hate it. all i want is to have someone to love, to hold, to cuddle with, to tell everything to."
i look at magnus for a moment. the poor guy. he'd easily get anyone he wanted with those looks, but he can't, because of his bitch-ass ex.
"your ex," i swallow, "what was she like?"
magnus made eye contact with me.
"beautiful. a french girl with long, silky blonde hair, tall, green eyes. but she only ever used me for my body. she never properly loved me. one time she went away for a good few months, and while she was away she had an affair. when i asked her why, she said that 'because i loved her, she should be allowed to go off with other people.'"

"that's fucking awful. i'm so sorry. she sounds horrible."
magnus gave a weak half smile. "don't be worried, kiddo. she's back in france now."
"good."
once that word is out of my mouth, i feel another question brewing on the tip of my tongue.
are you straight?
i don't know why i want to ask him that. he gives me vibes that he's not. but i wouldn't dare ask hi-
"are you straight?"
godammit alec!
magnus laughs. "me? straight? now that's the best joke i've heard all day!
alexander, there are NO worlds that exist in which i am straight. i'm bisexual. like, totally bisexual. girls? hot as fuck. boys? hot as fuck. besides, how can i be straight when brendon motherfucking urie exists?!"

now it's my turn to laugh. "you're right about that one. also i'm sorry to have randomly asked you; it was a bit rude of me."
"no no alec, it's fine! i'm not ashamed of my sexuality. in fact, i am very proud of it. so much so, that i got this shirt."

magnus runs out of the room and is back in a few seconds holding a shirt that says 'i like my men how i like my women. that's it. that's the joke. i'm bisexual.' on it.
for some reason, it makes me really happy to see this. happy to know that magnus is proud of who he is.

unlike me.

all of a sudden, the shirt is on the ground.
"alec! look at the time."
"one fifteen," i say. "it's very late. i suppose i should go and let you get your sleep. see you tomorrow, i guess?"
magnus looks shocked, and a little hurt.
"what? no! i mean -yes, i would really like to see you tomorrow- but i was wondering if you'd like to stay the night?"
i flush immediately. "you mean with you? i-in your bed?"
magnus looks at me as if i'm dumb. "well duh, sweetie."
i stutter a bit and manage to squeak out an 'okay'.
"but can i at least get my pyjamas first?"
magnus looks positively elated. "of course!"

and with a smile, i leave, knowing that at least tonight i'll be safe.