numb // malec

the end.

no specific tw's cause yano,,sPoiLeRs but yeah watch out -also this will be an extra long chapter as it is the finale, and it will feature both POVs. i will put a bold . at the start of any parts that need a tw so look out for .

alec's POV:

it's afternoon. magnus went out to get some food. i need air.

i'm so nervous. i don't want to do this. i don't want to go through with this. but i have to.

it's the only way my suffering will end.
magnus will be alright. he'll find another person quickly.

maybe he won't even miss me.

i leave the apartment anyway, as i do genuinely need some fresh air. but i don't think about how that might've been the last time i saw that place.

hopefully.

but wait. what if this all goes wrong? what if i'm left alive but horribly disfigured, or paralysed? or in a vegetative state? there is a chance that could happen.

which means there's only one useful way that i can make sure i won't be caused serious issues.

i'm going somewhere, but i'm not sure where. my legs are just taking me where they take me. i have my phone.

to make a final goodbye, i guess.
i need to get somewhere i can think. where i can think through this.

a quiet place to slip away.
somewhere magnus wouldn't think to go, or he would walk by.

///---\\\---|||---///---\\\

magnus's POV:

fuck.

alec isn't here. i just got home from shopping. i told him to stay at home and relax, but clearly he's gone out and ignored that.

i start to feel sick to the stomach.
i know how unwell he's been feeling for the past months. no matter how many times jace has taken him out for a day, no matter how many times kit and ty have come over. he hasn't changed.

what was i thinking?
why did i leave him alone when he's so vulnerable?

what if it's too late?

no. i need to calm down. he wouldn't actually do it. he knows i love him. he knows jace and the others do too.

but what if it wasn't enough?
what if i wasn't enough?

he's probably went to a park or something to think himself into oblivion. wherever he is, i need to find him.

before it's too late.

i leave my bags on the counter and grab the apartment keys and go. i have to apologise to a few people as i bump into them in my haste to find the one person i swore i'd always protect.

i love him.
and i'm going to do whatever it takes to keep him safe, alive, and with me.

///---\\\---|||---///---\\\

alec's POV:

the air around the lake is fresh. it's clear. so is the water.

i'm sitting on the bridge over it. contemplating my thoughts, contemplating everything.

i wonder how deep the lake is. like, is it enough to drown?

should i test that theory?

magnus isn't here. i wish he was. then he could physically hold me back from doing this to myself.