numb // malec

safe

wednesday, 29th september, 13:14:
magnus:

i've been holding alec in my arms for about an hour or so now. and it's funny. he hasn't been crying or sobbing, just sniffling and hugging me.

"magnus?" he says, looking up at me.
i smooth his hair off his face.
"yeah?"
"can you...stay with me? please?"
"but i've been with you all this time. why would you think i'm gonna leave?"
alec blushes, digging his head into my neck.
god, this boy is adorable. what did i ever do to be blessed with taking care of him?

all of a sudden, he stands up. he reaches a hand down to me, which i presume is for me to take. so i do.
his hands are soft, young.
i decide that after the shitty start to the day he's had, i should do something for him.
"would you like to go out into town? we can get something to eat there, and just enjoy some fresh air."

he looks at me for a moment, confused.
"s-sure...sounds cool!"
"what's wrong? you seem nervous."
he sighs. "it's just, my adopted brother lives around here too. we became best friends when he was adopted, and he's never been much of a rule-follower, so when our mom threw me out, he refused to accept it and left with me. he lives with his girlfriend clary, but sometimes he'll come round to check on me."
now it's my turn to be confused.
"i don't see the problem here?"
alec sighs again.
"i don't want to see them."
"why?"
"i hate his girlfriend," he says, eyes rolling.

i laugh. "well don't worry. i'll talk for you."
"thanks."
we stand there, hand still in hand, looking at each other. i can tell that alec's breath is quickening. he keeps swallowing too.

i take a step closer to him, and closer, until eventually there are no gaps between us.
alec is trembling now, his hand sweating in mine.
i'm not sure what to do. should i kiss him?  should i hug him?

alec clears his throat, breath staggering.
"i -i think we should -yknow, uh, ahah, um, w-we should probably go-"
i can't take it anymore. i can't.
i take his arms, putting them on my waist, and watch him tremble with nerves.

i put my hands up to his face and kiss him. even if this means nothing, even if we just stay friends, i have to kiss him.
his lips are soft and warm. after a few moments he kisses back, and in that moment i can literally feel my heart melting.

not wanting it to get passionate or sexual, i break the kiss and look alec in the eye, our foreheads together.
alec speaks first. "well then. that was...interesting," he says. shortly after, he intertwines our fingers.

"let's go."