Emotions are something I didn't often enjoy as a human. I always wished I could just be numb, and not have to feel anything, especially after Jacob's death. The older I got, the more I thought life would be better without emotion.
And then I died. When I refused to go with Castiel, (who we still hadn't seen since Dean said I was different because an angel was my reaper and not an actual reaper), I only really felt two emotions: anger and sadness. I was normally kept in a boring middle, feeling numb until something stirred one of the two emotions inside me. Very, very rarely would I get lucky enough to feel something else.
I thought I knew happiness as a human, I thought I was a fairly happy human. It wasn't until I saw Sam and Dean, really saw them after being away for so long, when Dean's face lit up, and, before he shot me, Sam's did, too. It was the first time they had seen me in a month, and the first time I could appreciate seeing them in a month. That was the first time I realized what true happiness was, and since that moment, I longed to feel it again. Unfortunately, any emotion besides anger or sadness was rarely ever felt, and I really only got to feel that little spurt of happiness for a few seconds in the last two months combined.
But now, I felt reborn. I recognized that the old me wouldn't be happy with this, but I couldn't help it. All the anger and sadness I felt was gone, replaced with an indescribable feeling.
Crowley had told me to call him if I needed him before disappearing, leaving me his mess to clean up. I cleaned up whatever symbol he had drawn quickly, lighting candles to get rid of the smell of sulfur before going upstairs and sitting on the couch, trying to decide something to do.
Thinking about it, I realized that food sounded amazing. I went into the kitchen, surprised to find it was fully stocked. I debated what to make as I looked through my options, deciding to make something for Sam and Dean, too.
Eventually, I decided on steak, taking the large, marinated pieces of meat out of the fridge and beginning to grill them.
--
I heard the impala pull up just as I finished making the meal. Sam and Dean were radiating with happiness, making me assume they had accomplished what they had set out to do. I pulled out plates, leaving them on the counter before skipping to the front door.
"Wow, something smells amazing," Dean said, taking a deep breath as he walked into the bunker. "Hey," he smiled, leaning down to kiss me quickly.
I smiled, kissing him back before pulling away and looking at Sam. "Did you kill it?"
They both nodded, smiling widely.
"It was actually pretty easy," Sam said, his eyes wandering to the kitchen. "Did you make something?"
I nodded, rolling my eyes slightly. "Does it normally smell this good?"
"Did you..." Dean trailed off, his eyes wide as he looked in the direction of the kitchen.
"Yes," I laughed. "There's more than enough for the both of you."
Dean smiled, kissing my forehead before jogging into the kitchen, a satisfied moan sounding when he disappeared into the kitchen.
Sam and I laughed, rolling our eyes. As I turned to follow Dean, Sam stopped me by gently grabbing my wrist. "Hey, I thought ghosts don't get hungry?"
I opened my mouth to say, 'Well, I'm not a ghost,' but quickly stopped myself, closing my mouth. I looked at my feet, trying to play it off as shyness.
"I don't know," I shrugged. "I figured I'd do something nice for the two of you. But if you don't like it-"
"No, no," Sam chuckled. "That's not what I was trying to imply. Thank you, really."
