"Is he coming back?" Dean asked Castiel for the seemingly millionth time.
"Yes, Dean." Castiel sighed. "This spell takes a lot, I think it is best if we don't rush the demon."
"Speaking of demons," Sam turned to me. "How did this happen?"
"I already told you," I sighed. Sam nodded, but didn't say anything else.
Castiel stepped forward and whispered something to Dean. Dean nodded once, and angry expression taking over his beautiful features. "Yeah, Cas, I got that."
"What?" Sam asked, and Dean looked at him, his expression both irritated and sad.
"Cas thought it was necessary to point out that this is the last time I'm going to see Marilyn."
"But we work together," I repeated Dean, trying to lighten the mood even though I felt completely broken.
Dean scowled. "You know what I mean."
"So make the most of it," Sam gently pushed me toward Dean.
"But what about you, Sam?"
"We're best friends," he smiled at me reassuringly. "I'll see you when we get back."
I nodded once, turning to look at Castiel, wanting to say my goodbye's now. But he was gone.
Sam excused himself, telling us he was going to a bar not too far from the bunker. I tried to protest, telling him he didn't have to go, but he just smiled and left.
"I don't even know what to say," Dean chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. "Or do."
"That's a first," I teased, moving to stand in front of him. He pulled me into him and I tried to remember how it felt; My arms wrapped tightly around his waist, his around my shoulders, holding on to me like I could disappear at any given moment. My head found its place on his chest, the top of my head just barely in the crook of his neck. Every so once in a while he would place kisses on the top of my head, my forehead, my hairline. I would smile every time he performed the action, closing my eyes and taking in his musky scent.
"I don't want to say goodbye," he confessed quietly, leaving another kiss on the top of my head.
"We'll find a way back to each other. One that doesn't involve Mason and Peter or anything dealing with the supernatural."
I felt Dean smile as he pressed another kiss on my forehead. "Promise?"
I nodded slightly, leaning up to kiss his neck. "Promise."
It was silent for a few minutes, both of us just enjoying the other's company. Eventually, Dean pulled away from me, leading me to the couch. He sat down, pulling me so I was curled up in his lap, my legs taking up the remaining room of the couch. "What if we don't forget?" he spoke one of my thoughts aloud.
"Then we'd still be together. Right?"
He nodded, kissing my cheek. "Always."
"What if one of us forgets?" I asked quietly. "And the other doesn't?"
"We'll find a way," Dean said confidently. "I'll find my way back to you. I always will."
I leaned down to press my lips to his. The kiss was gentle and slow, both of us trying to remember that feeling, the feeling we gave one another. He pulled away, pressing his forehead to mine. "I love you."
"I love you too," I smiled, pulling away from him. "Always."
"So if we do remember," Dean said excitedly, as if it were a possibility. "What do we do?"
"Find each other?" I laughed quietly. "Not like it's going to be a big thing. If we remember, that is. We'll be together."
"And live happily ever after?" he teased.
I rolled my eyes, but let out a laugh. "Yeah, Dean. Happily ever after."
"I'm going to marry you," Dean blurted out, his eyes widening after the words were out. It was clear he had not intended to say them out loud, but there they were, floating in the air, waiting for me to take them in.
"What?" I asked, shocked and unsure if I had heard him correctly.
"I mean, uh. I-" he made a face, looking away from me. "Stupid," he mumbled.
"What?"
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have- No, you know what? I'm not sorry. I've never felt the way I feel about you towards any other person, and I intend to marry you. I don't care if it's tomorrow, next week, next month, next year- hell, I don't care if it's thirty years from now! I'm going to marry you because I'm in love with you and nothing sounds better than spending the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up before you on Sunday mornings and make you breakfast you can eat in bed, I want to have kids with you, I want to get a stupid minivan so we can take them to soccer practice, or ballet practice, whatever. I want to grow old with you. I want to sleep in the same bed as you every night for the rest of my life, knowing that when I wake up, you'll still be there, right next to me." Dean took a deep breath, pausing his big confession. "Even if you wake up every single morning at 1:57 am. I want you to wake me up when you can't sleep, or have a nightmare, and I want you to be the one to comfort me when I wake up from a nightmare, because God knows I've seen more than enough to give me plenty nightmares. I want to tell you to go back to sleep when our kids start crying because they had a nightmare, that I've got it, and I want to see your shy smile when you tell me you love me.
"And it's all because I'm in love with you. I'm in love with everything about you. Your sleepy smile when you wake up every morning at 1:57 and start to annoy me because you're awake, and you can. The fact that you're a complete dork, just like Sam. That you stayed in that bakery with me, even after I told you some crazy story about a ghost or whatever it was because you believed me! That you came back- even if you did run out on our first date because your best friend had gone missing. I love that you're so caring and compassionate, even to someone like me, who doesn't deserve it. I don't deserve you, and I sure as hell don't deserve your love, but I'm too selfish to let you go. And I don't care if this spell is completely fool proof, I will never forget you. I'm going to marry you, and I don't know if it will be within this year or next, or the one after that or after that, but dammit, I will."
By the end of Dean's speech, I had tears in my eyes and a smile so big my cheeks hurt. I had no idea how to respond, and the only thing I was able to say was, teasingly, "Don't you need my consent to marry me?"
Dean rolled his eyes, laughing as he gently pushed me so I was laying on the couch. He hovered above me, still laughing. I noticed, as I did every time Dean laughed, how lovely his smile was. Dean Winchester had seen far too much bad in the world, and felt far too much pain. It was something no one deserved, and yet for some reason, the burden had been placed on Dean and his little brother, Sam. Sam was different, however, because he knew how to let things go. Dean didn't, and would drive himself crazy, blaming himself for everything he possibly could. Dean Winchester was a man who deserved nothing but the best, and never got it, not really.
"Normally, the bride's consent would be needed," Dean said, still laughing. "But you don't have a choice. I'm going to marry you whether you want that or not."
He gave me a quick kiss, still smiling.
"I guess you're lucky I love you, then." I said, pulling him back to me.
--
AW DEAN
THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN BUT OH WELLLL I'M REALLY HAPPY, LIKE TOO HAPPY TO WRITE ANYTHING SAD I'M SOORRRYYYY
this chapter is dedicated to merryhappyness bc she told me what the actual term for what marilyn is is sO THANK YOU VERY MUCH
this might've been an awkward chapter to dedicate to someone but oh well i'm an awkward person. thank you guys for reading this, and also deadly (WHICH IS ALMOST AT 2K WHAT) i love you all so much!
