Chiara looked at him with a fulminating look. Luca closed the window and entered timidly. There was a long and embarrassing silence, then he decided to speak:
"Look, I wanted to tell you first that I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, and I regretted it a while... although what I saw was really shocking, I think if you saw your mother kissing with me, you would not stay indifferent ... or at least I think so, without forgetting that at that time we were "together" or so to speak. "
Chiara sighed. She still had a frown.
"... and it's true, yes, I behaved like an asshole, but what should I do? Tell me. Lose my mother and have a kind of stepmother of my own age, or rather, a year younger? It would have been impossible for me and Matteo... "
"In fact you did not have known anything about it ... At least now, I'm 17 and he's on the threshold of 60 ..." she put her hands between the temples sitting on the windowsill "but Luca, you understand that love goes above all. You fell in love with me and you came out of your shell, you started to socialize with other people, to really live. You had the proof. I love Colin as you loved me, if not more. With certainty, much, much more, so imagine how it could have been for me to leave him forever. "
"I understand you and I imagine how much you suffered, how I suffered, but look, did you also have ...?"
The girl raised her head and stared at him with eyes of fire.
"No, we did not need that. We were making love with our warm kisses full of feelings. That was enough."
"I have to say I'm a little relieved, but I will not say anything to mom, because it would break her heart to know that dad has cheated on her."
"Do not use that term."
"Ok, ok, even if it's the right term to use about what you've done ..."
Chiara slapped him on the cheek so hard that it resounded throughout the room; she began to cry because of her nervousness.
"Stop talking like that, you know it bothers me, what did you want me to do if we loved each other? If you know, tell me then, you know, I'd like some advice."
"Chià, I ... I ... I do not know ... but understand me! Understand me for once, it is an unspeakable thing, I'm still sick because it's my father! Ok, you love each other, ok, there are feelings, but I do not accept it."
The girl sobbed, throwing her head on Luca's chest. He was surprised, but he put his hands on her back anyway. She continued to sob for long, gray minutes.
"I'm sorry Luca, but I did not realize how much it could hurt you ... but as I told you, I cannot command to my heart."
"I forgive you, I have already done so, but I cannot tell you that I will easily forget what I have seen." And having said this, he kissed her forehead tenderly. Then she turned away almost abruptly to wipe away the tears.
"Can you leave me alone now ...?" she whispered, looking at him with his eyes red with tears.
"All right, as long as you're okay, otherwise I'm not leaving."
"Yes I'm fine, now go ..."
Luca stroked her wet cheek and then went out. Chiara sighed and sat on the bed. She fell asleep immediately.
Meanwhile, not too far from the college, Colin was at home, thoughtful, and he too, sad. Livia was out, while Matteo was with a friend. Alone, alone again, but he had wanted it. Or rather, he had to do it for his family and work. But how could it seem to him in the least that everything solved when his heart was literally shattered? He thought of Chiara continuously, constantly and reluctantly. He realized with the days that what he had done had been deplorable. What example had he given his children? The 'pedophile' father who loves 17-year-old girls. But he knew that Luca had forgiven him, he was an intelligent boy and he had done it for Chiara too. He knew he still liked her, and even if it broke his heart, he was somehow happy for her; maybe she would have managed to forget what had been between them. Often he reproached himself for leaving her, but then he changed his mind if he thought of his family and of that of Chiara. What would they have thought? Would they accept them? Never. Here is the answer. Never ever. He often remained motionless with a thousand thoughts in his head, so as to be recalled by Livia for a little 'attention. He thought, but what did he think, now that it was all over? Now that he could not do anything?
In that sad afternoon, then, in that big house, he stared outside a window at the cars that passed, the passers-by, the couples... a jolt crossed him and as a child began to cry bringing a hand to his eyes. He took off his glasses and tried in vain to wipe away the tears that flowed down his cheeks.
"But why does it hurt so much ...? Why do you always have to do the right thing? Why do you always have to fall in love with the wrong people? Why do I love Chiara? Why I was so stupid as to let her go like that?" He sobbed away from the window. He looked at himself in the mirror of the bathroom and what he could see was only a man lacking strength and unable to react to the bad situations of life before him. He sniffled.
"I should not have let you go like that, I should not have ... But what could I do? You're only seventeen and I'm an old man ... you hated it when I said it. Well, that's the term that suits me... an old insignificant man, but you loved me that way, how you did I do not know, but now enough, we have to leave behind everything that we have lived, that was wonderful. Goodbye" He seemed to speak with her, and between the tears he caught the glimpse of her face that smiled and comforted him: he tried to caress it, but it disappeared between his fingers. He washed his face, put his glasses back on his nose, and promised himself he would be a stronger man. A better man. With a broken heart and scribbled memories.
